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Title: Quality Street
Author: Barrie, James Matthew (1860-1937)
Illustrator: Thomson, Hugh (1860-1920)
Date of first publication:
   1901 [play], 1913 [illustrations]
Edition used as base for this ebook:
   [London]: Hodder & Stoughton,
   Undated, but assigned to 1913
Date first posted: 1 November 2010
Date last updated: 1 November 2010
Project Gutenberg Canada ebook #648

This ebook was produced by:
David T. Jones, Delphine Lettau, Paul Dring, Clive Pickton
& the Online Distributed Proofreading Canada Team
at http://www.pgdpcanada.net

This file was produced from images generously made available
by the Internet Archive/American Libraries




_Quality Street_


_Copyrighted, for the stage, by Charles Frohman, in
England and in America, 1901, and performed by
Miss Maude Adams as 'Phoebe Throssel' 500 times_


  [Illustration:

  PHOEBE
  _Sergeant, I am wishful to scold you, but would you
  be so obliging as to stand on this paper while I do it?_]




Quality Street
A Comedy in four acts

by

J. M. Barrie




Illustrated
by
Hugh Thomson

Hodder & Stoughton


  [Illustration: Street Scene]




_Illustrations in Colour_


 _ACT I_
 _The Blue and White Room_


 PHOEBE
 _Sergeant, I am wishful to scold you, but would you be so
 obliging as to stand on this paper while I do it?_
 Page 14                                                _Frontispiece_


 Now and again ladies pass in their pattens, a maid perhaps
 protecting them with an umbrella, for flakes of snow are
 falling discreetly.  _Page 3_                                       3

 Miss Fanny is reading aloud from a library book while the
 others sew or knit.  _Page 4_                                       6

 MISS WILLOUGHBY
 _We are known everywhere now, Susan, you and I, as the
 old maids of Quality Street._  Page 7                              10

 MISS SUSAN
 _I think I hear their voices in dispute._  Page 12                 14

 PHOEBE
 _You know how gallantly he swings his cane._  Page 21              16

 PHOEBE
 _He is absolutely fearless. Susan, he has smoked his
 pipe in this room._  Page 26                                       24

 PHOEBE
 _It was raining, and my face was wet._  Page 31                    32

 VALENTINE
 _To see her on her knees decorating the little legs of the
 couch with frills as if it were a child!_  Page 38                 40


 _ACT II_
 _The School_


 Miss Phoebe is giving a dancing lesson to half a dozen
 pupils, and is doing her very best.  _Page_ 49                     48

 PHOEBE
 _Unhappy boy--Are you ashamed of yourself?_  Page 53               56

 ARTHUR
 _If any boy says you can't cane I will blood him,
 Miss Phoebe._  Page 56                                              64

 A soldier with a girl passes--yokel follows angrily.
 _Page_ 58                                                           72

 Patty ushers in the sisters Willoughby and Miss Henrietta.
 Miss Henrietta is wearing the new veil, which opens or
 closes like curtains when she pulls a string.  _Page_ 93            80

 MISS WILLOUGHBY
 _We shall probably spend the evening here with Miss Susan
 at the card table._  Page 95                                        88


 _ACT III_
 _The Ball_


 There is coming and going through this opening, and also
 through slits in the canvas.  _Page_ 103                           104

 Ensign Blades appears, frowning, and Charlotte ventures to
 touch his sleeve.  _Page_ 107                                      112

 MISS SUSAN
 _They have suspected for a week._  Page 116                        120

 PHOEBE
 _As soon as you see a lady with a pretty nose you cannot
 help saying that you adore her._  Page 129                         128


 _ACT IV_
 _The Blue and White Room_


 VALENTINE
 _I regret that they are out, Patty, but I will await their
 return._  Page 163                                                 160

 Miss Henrietta and Miss Fanny, encouraged by his sympathy,
 draw nearer the door of the interesting bed-chamber.  _Page_ 176   168

 VALENTINE
 _She will recover._  Page 185                                      176




CHARACTERS

  VALENTINE BROWN
  ENSIGN BLADES
  LIEUTENANT SPICER
  A RECRUITING SERGEANT
  MASTER ARTHUR WELLESLEY TOMSON
  ISABELLA
  MISS SUSAN THROSSEL
  MISS PHOEBE THROSSEL
  MISS WILLOUGHBY
  MISS HENRIETTA TURNBULL
  MISS CHARLOTTE PARRATT
  PATTY




  [Illustration:
  _Now and again ladies pass in their pattens, a maid perhaps protecting
  them with an umbrella, for flakes of snow are falling discreetly_]




_Act I_

THE BLUE AND WHITE ROOM


_The scene is the blue and white room in the house of the Misses Susan
and Phoebe Throssel in Quality Street; and in this little country town
there is a satisfaction about living in Quality Street which even
religion cannot give. Through the bowed window at the back we have a
glimpse of the street. It is pleasantly broad and grass-grown, and is
linked to the outer world by one demure shop, whose door rings a bell
every time it opens and shuts. Thus by merely peeping, every one in
Quality Street can know at once who has been buying a Whimsy cake, and
usually why. This bell is the most familiar sound of Quality Street. Now
and again ladies pass in their pattens, a maid perhaps protecting them
with an umbrella, for flakes of snow are falling discreetly. Gentlemen
in the street are an event: but, see, just as we raise the curtain,
there goes the recruiting sergeant to remind us that we are in the
period of the Napoleonic wars. If he were to look in at the window
of the blue and white room all the ladies there assembled would draw
themselves up; they know him for a rude fellow who smiles at the
approach of maiden ladies and continues to smile after they have
passed. However, he lowers his head to-day so that they shall not see
him, his present design being converse with the Misses Throssel's maid._

_The room is one seldom profaned by the foot of man, and everything
in it is white or blue. Miss Phoebe is not present, but here are Miss
Susan, Miss Willoughby and her sister Miss Fanny, and Miss Henrietta
Turnbull. Miss Susan and Miss Willoughby, alas, already wear caps;
but all the four are dear ladies, so refined that we ought not to be
discussing them without a more formal introduction, and there seems no
sufficient reason why we should choose Miss Phoebe as our heroine rather
than any one of the others, except, perhaps, that we like her name best.
But we gave her the name, so we must support our choice and say that she
is slightly the nicest, unless, indeed, Miss Susan is nicer._

_Miss Fanny is reading aloud from a library book while the others sew
or knit. They are making garments for our brave soldiers now far away
fighting the Corsican Ogre._


   MISS FANNY
'... And so the day passed and evening came, black, mysterious, and
ghost-like. The wind moaned unceasingly like a shivering spirit, and the
vegetation rustled uneasily as if something weird and terrifying were
about to happen. Suddenly out of the darkness there emerged a _Man_.

     (_She says the last word tremulously but without looking up. The
     listeners knit more quickly._)

The unhappy Camilla was standing lost in reverie when, without pausing
to advertise her of his intentions, he took both her hands in his.

     (_By this time the knitting has stopped, and all are listening as
     if mesmerised._)

Slowly he gathered her in his arms--

     (MISS SUSAN _gives an excited little cry_.)


   MISS FANNY
And rained hot, burning--


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
Sister!


   MISS FANNY
(_Greedily_) On eyes, mouth,----


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_Sternly_) Stop.
Miss Susan, I am indeed surprised you should bring such an amazing,
indelicate tale from the library.


   MISS SUSAN
(_With a slight shudder_) I deeply regret, Miss Willoughby---- (_Sees_
MISS FANNY _reading quickly to herself_.) Oh, Fanny! If you please, my
dear. (_Takes the book gently from her._)


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
I thank you. (_She knits severely._)


   MISS FANNY (_a little rebel_)
Miss Susan is looking at the end. (MISS SUSAN _closes the book
guiltily_.)


   MISS SUSAN
(_Apologetically_) Forgive my partiality for romance, Mary. I fear
'tis the mark of an old maid.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
Susan, that word.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Sweetly_) 'Tis what I am. And you also, Mary, my dear.


  [Illustration:
  Miss Fanny is reading aloud from a library book while the
  others sew or knit.]


   MISS FANNY
(_Defending her sister_) Miss Susan, I protest.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_Sternly truthful_) Nay, sister, 'tis true. We are known everywhere
now, Susan, you and I, as the old maids of Quality Street. (_General
discomfort._)


   MISS SUSAN
I am happy Phoebe will not be an old maid.


   MISS HENRIETTA
(_Wistfully_) Do you refer, Miss Susan, to V. B.? (MISS SUSAN _smiles
happily to herself._)


   MISS SUSAN
Miss Phoebe of the ringlets as he has called her.


   MISS FANNY
Other females besides Miss Phoebe have ringlets.


   MISS SUSAN
But you and Miss Henrietta have to employ papers, my dear. (_Proudly_)
Phoebe, never.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_In defence of Fanny_) I do not approve of Miss Phoebe at all.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Flushing_) Mary, had Phoebe been dying you would have called her an
angel, but that is ever the way. 'Tis all jealousy to the bride and good
wishes to the corpse. (_Her guests rise, hurt._) My love, I beg your
pardon.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
With your permission, Miss Susan, I shall put on my pattens.

     (MISS SUSAN _gives permission almost haughtily, and the ladies
     retire to the bedroom_, MISS FANNY _remaining behind a moment to
     ask a question_.)


   MISS FANNY
A bride? Miss Susan, do you mean that V. B. has declared?


   MISS SUSAN
Fanny, I expect it hourly.

     (MISS SUSAN, _left alone, is agitated by the terrible scene with_
     MISS WILLOUGHBY.)


_Enter_ PHOEBE _in her bonnet, and we see at once that she really is the
nicest. She is so flushed with delightful news that she almost forgets
to take off her pattens before crossing the blue and white room_.


   MISS SUSAN
You seem strangely excited, Phoebe.


   PHOEBE
Susan, I have met a certain individual.


   MISS SUSAN
V. B.? (PHOEBE _nods several times, and her gleaming eyes tell_ MISS
SUSAN _as much as if they were a romance from the library_.) My dear,
you are trembling.


   PHOEBE
(_Bravely_) No--oh no.


   MISS SUSAN
You put your hand to your heart.


   PHOEBE
Did I?


   MISS SUSAN
(_In a whisper_) My love, has he offered?


   PHOEBE
(_Appalled_) Oh, Susan.


_Enter_ MISS WILLOUGHBY, _partly cloaked_.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
How do you do, Miss Phoebe? (_Portentously_) Susan, I have no wish to
alarm you, but I am of opinion that there is a man in the house. I
suddenly felt it while putting on my pattens.


   MISS SUSAN
You mean--a follower--in the kitchen? (_She courageously rings the bell,
but her voice falters._) I am just a little afraid of Patty.

    _Enter_ PATTY, _a buxom young woman, who loves her mistresses and
    smiles at them, and knows how to terrorise them_.

Patty, I hope we may not hurt your feelings, but----


  [Illustration:

  MISS WILLOUGHBY
  _We are known everywhere now, Susan, you and I, as the old maids
  of Quality Street_]


   PATTY
(_Sternly_) Are you implicating, ma'am, that I have a follower?


   MISS SUSAN
Oh no, Patty.


   PATTY
So be it.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Ashamed_) Patty, come back. (_Humbly_) I told a falsehood just now; I
am ashamed of myself.


   PATTY
(_Severely_) As well you might be, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
(_So roused that she would look heroic if she did not spoil the effect
by wagging her finger at_ PATTY) How dare you. There is a man in the
kitchen. To the door with him.


   PATTY
A glorious soldier to be so treated!


   PHOEBE
The door.


   PATTY
And if he refuses? (_They look perplexed_)


   MISS SUSAN
Oh dear!


   PHOEBE
If he refuses send him here to me. (_Exit_ PATTY.


   MISS SUSAN
Lion-hearted Phoebe.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
A soldier. (_Nervously_) I wish it may not be that impertinent
recruiting sergeant. I passed him in the street to-day. He closed one of
his eyes at me and then quickly opened it. I knew what he meant.


   PHOEBE
He does not come.


   MISS SUSAN
I think I hear their voices in dispute.

    (_She is listening through the floor. They all stoop or go on
     knees to listen, and when they are in this position the_
     RECRUITING SERGEANT _enters unobserved. He chuckles aloud. In a
     moment_ PHOEBE _is alone with him_.)


  [Illustration: _That impertinent recruiting sergeant_]


   SERGEANT
(_With an Irish accent_) Your servant, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
(_Advancing sternly on him_) Sir--(_She is perplexed, as he seems
undismayed._) Sergeant---- (_She sees mud from his boots on the
carpet._) Oh! oh! (_Brushes carpet._) Sergeant, I am wishful to scold
you, but would you be so obliging as to stand on this paper while I do
it?


   SERGEANT
With all the pleasure in life, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
(_Forgetting to be angry_) Sergeant, have you killed people?


   SERGEANT
Dozens, ma'am, dozens.


   PHOEBE
How terrible. Oh, sir, I pray every night that the Lord in His
loving-kindness will root the enemy up. Is it true that the Corsican
Ogre eats babies?


   SERGEANT
I have spoken with them as have seen him do it, ma'am.


  [Illustration:

  MISS SUSAN
  _I think I hear their voices in dispute_]


   PHOEBE
The Man of Sin. Have you ever seen a vivandiere, sir? (_Wistfully_) I
have sometimes wished there were vivandieres in the British Army. (_For
a moment she sees herself as one._) Oh, Sergeant, a shudder goes through
me when I see you in the streets enticing those poor young men.


   SERGEANT
If you were one of them, ma'am, and death or glory was the call, you
would take the shilling, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
Oh, not for that.


   SERGEANT
For King and Country, ma'am?


   PHOEBE
(_Grandly_) Yes, yes, for that.


   SERGEANT
(_Candidly_) Not that it is all fighting. The sack of captured
towns--the loot.


   PHOEBE
(_Proudly_) An English soldier never sacks nor loots.


   SERGEANT
No, ma'am. And then--the girls.

   PHOEBE
What girls?


   SERGEANT
In the towns that--that we don't sack.


   PHOEBE
How they must hate the haughty conqueror.


   SERGEANT
We are not so haughty as all that.


   PHOEBE
(_Sadly_) I think I understand. I am afraid, Sergeant, you do not tell
those poor young men the noble things I thought you told them.


   SERGEANT
Ma'am, I must e'en tell them what they are wishful to hear. There ha'
been five, ma'am, all this week, listening to me and then showing me
their heels, but by a grand stroke of luck I have them at last.


  [Illustration:

  PHOEBE
  _You know how gallantly he swings his cane_]


   PHOEBE
Luck?
     (MISS SUSAN _opens door slightly and listens_.)


   SERGEANT
The luck, ma'am, is that a gentleman of the town has enlisted. That gave
them the push forward.

     (MISS SUSAN _is excited_.)


   PHOEBE
A gentleman of this town enlisted? (_Eagerly_) Sergeant, who?


   SERGEANT
Nay, ma'am, I think it be a secret as yet.


   PHOEBE
But a gentleman! 'Tis the most amazing, exciting thing. Sergeant, be so
obliging.


   SERGEANT
Nay, ma'am, I can't.


   MISS SUSAN
(_At door, carried away by excitement_) But you must, you must!


   SERGEANT
(_Turning to door_) You see, ma'am---- (_The door is hurriedly closed._)


   PHOEBE
(_Ashamed_) Sergeant, I have not been saying the things I meant to say
to you. Will you please excuse my turning you out of the house somewhat
violently.


   SERGEANT
I am used to it, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
I won't really hurt you.


   SERGEANT
Thank you kindly, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
(_Observing the bedroom door opening a little, and speaking in a loud
voice_) I protest, sir; we shall permit no followers in this house.
Should I discover you in my kitchen again I shall pitch you out--neck
and crop. Begone, sir.

     (_The_ SERGEANT _retires affably. All the ladies except_ MISS
     HENRIETTA _come out, admiring_ PHOEBE. _The_ WILLOUGHBYS _are
     attired for their journey across the street_.)


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
Miss Phoebe, we could not but admire you.

     (PHOEBE, _alas, knows that she is not admirable_.)


   PHOEBE
But the gentleman recruit?


   MISS SUSAN
Perhaps they will know who he is at the woollen-drapers.


   MISS FANNY
Let us inquire.

     (_But before they go_ MISS WILLOUGHBY _has a duty to perform_.)


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
I wish to apologise. Miss Phoebe, you are a dear, good girl. If I have
made remarks about her ringlets, Susan, it was jealousy. (PHOEBE _and_
MISS SUSAN _wish to embrace her, but she is not in the mood for it_.)
Come, sister.


   MISS FANNY (_the dear woman that she is_)
Phoebe, dear, I wish you very happy. (PHOEBE _presses her hand_.)


   MISS HENRIETTA
(_Entering, and not to be outdone_) Miss Phoebe, I give you joy.

     (_The three ladies go, the two younger ones a little tearfully,
     and we see them pass the window._)


   PHOEBE
(_Pained_) Susan, you have been talking to them about V. B.


   MISS SUSAN
I could not help it. (_Eagerly_) Now, Phoebe, what is it you have to
tell me?


   PHOEBE
(_In a low voice_) Dear, I think it is too holy to speak of.


   MISS SUSAN
To your sister?


   PHOEBE
Susan, as you know, I was sitting with an unhappy woman whose husband
has fallen in the war. When I came out of the cottage he was passing.


   MISS SUSAN
Yes?


   PHOEBE
He offered me his escort. At first he was very silent--as he has often
been of late.


   MISS SUSAN
_We_ know why.


   PHOEBE
Please not to say that I know why. Suddenly he stopped and swung his
cane. You know how gallantly he swings his cane.


  MISS SUSAN
Yes, indeed.

  [Illustration:
  _They are interrupted by the entrance of Patty with tea_]


   PHOEBE
He said: 'I have something I am wishful to tell you, Miss Phoebe;
perhaps you can guess what it is.'


   MISS SUSAN
Go on!


   PHOEBE
To say I could guess, sister, would have been unladylike. I said:
'Please not to tell me in the public thoroughfare'; to which he
instantly replied: 'Then I shall call and tell you this afternoon.'


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe!

     (_They are interrupted by the entrance of_ PATTY _with tea. They
     see that she has brought three cups, and know that this is her
     impertinent way of implying that mistresses, as well as maids,
     may have a 'follower.' When she has gone they smile at the daring
     of the woman, and sit down to tea._)


   PHOEBE
Susan, to think that it has all happened in a single year.


   MISS SUSAN
Such a genteel competency as he can offer; such a desirable
establishment.


   PHOEBE
I had no thought of that, dear. I was recalling our first meeting at
Mrs. Fotheringay's quadrille party.


   MISS SUSAN
We had quite forgotten that our respected local physician was growing
elderly.


   PHOEBE
Until he said: 'Allow me to present my new partner, Mr. Valentine
Brown.'


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, do you remember how at the tea-table he facetiously passed the
cake-basket with nothing in it!


   PHOEBE
He was so amusing from the first. I am thankful, Susan, that I too have
a sense of humour. I am exceedingly funny at times; am I not, Susan?

  [Illustration:

  PHOEBE
  _He is absolutely fearless. Susan, he has smoked his pipe
  in this room_]

  [Illustration:
  _Our first meeting at Mrs. Fotheringay's quadrille party_]


   MISS SUSAN
Yes, indeed. But he sees humour in the most unexpected things. I say
something so ordinary about loving, for instance, to have everything
either blue or white in this room, and I know not why he laughs, but it
makes me feel quite witty.


   PHOEBE
(_A little anxiously_) I hope he sees nothing odd or quaint about us.


   MISS SUSAN
My dear, I am sure he cannot.


   PHOEBE
Susan, the picnics.


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, the day when he first drank tea in this house.


   PHOEBE
He invited himself.


   MISS SUSAN
He merely laughed when I said it would cause such talk.


   PHOEBE
He is absolutely fearless. Susan, he has smoked his pipe in this room.
(_They are both a little scared._)


   MISS SUSAN
Smoking is indeed a dreadful habit.


   PHOEBE
But there is something so dashing about it.


   MISS SUSAN
(_With melancholy_) And now I am to be left alone.


   PHOEBE
No.


   MISS SUSAN
My dear, I could not leave this room. My lovely blue and white room. It
is my husband.


   PHOEBE
(_Who has become agitated_) Susan, you must make my house your home. I
have something distressing to tell you.


   MISS SUSAN
You alarm me.


   PHOEBE
You know Mr. Brown advised us how to invest half of our money.


   MISS SUSAN
I know it gives us eight per cent., though why it should do so I cannot
understand, but very obliging, I am sure.


   PHOEBE
Susan, all that money is lost; I had the letter several days ago.


   MISS SUSAN
Lost?


   PHOEBE
Something burst, dear, and then they absconded.


   MISS SUSAN
But Mr. Brown----


   PHOEBE
I have not advertised him of it yet, for he will think it was his fault.
But I shall tell him to-day.


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, how much have we left?


   PHOEBE
Only sixty pounds a year, so you see you must live with us, dearest.


   MISS SUSAN
But Mr. Brown--he----


   PHOEBE
(_Grandly_) He is a man of means, and if he is not proud to have my
Susan I shall say at once: 'Mr. Brown--the door.' (_She presses her
cheek to_ MISS SUSAN'S.)


   MISS SUSAN
(_Softly_) Phoebe, I have a wedding gift for you.


   PHOEBE
Not yet?


   MISS SUSAN
It has been ready for a long time. I began it when you were not ten
years old and I was a young woman. I meant it for myself, Phoebe. I had
hoped that he--his name was William--but I think I must have been too
unattractive, my love.


   PHOEBE
Sweetest--dearest----


   MISS SUSAN
I always associate it with a sprigged poplin I was wearing that summer,
with a breadth of coloured silk in it, being a naval officer; but
something happened, a Miss Cicely Pemberton, and they are quite big boys
now. So long ago, Phoebe--he was very tall, with brown hair--it was most
foolish of me, but I was always so fond of sewing--with long straight
legs and such a pleasant expression.


   PHOEBE
Susan, what was it?


   MISS SUSAN
It was a wedding-gown, my dear. Even plain women, Phoebe, we can't help
it; when we are young we have romantic ideas just as if we were pretty.
And so the wedding-gown was never used. Long before it was finished I
knew he would not offer, but I finished it, and then I put it away. I
have always hidden it from you, Phoebe, but of late I have brought it
out again, and altered it. (_She goes to ottoman and unlocks it._)


   PHOEBE
Susan, I could not wear it. (MISS SUSAN _brings the wedding-gown_.) Oh!
how sweet, how beautiful!


   MISS SUSAN
You will wear it, my love, won't you? And the tears it was sewn with
long ago will all turn into smiles on my Phoebe's wedding day.

     (_They are tearfully happy when a knock is heard on the street
     door._)


   PHOEBE
That knock.


   MISS SUSAN
So dashing.


   PHOEBE
So imperious. (_She is suddenly panic-stricken._) Susan, I think he
kissed me once.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Startled_) You _think_?


   PHOEBE
I know he did. That evening--a week ago, when he was squiring me home
from the concert. It was raining, and my face was wet; he said that was
why he did it.


   MISS SUSAN
Because your face was wet?


   PHOEBE
It does not seem a sufficient excuse now.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Appalled_) O Phoebe, before he had offered.


   PHOEBE
(_In distress_) I fear me it was most unladylike.

     (VALENTINE BROWN _is shown in. He is a frank, genial young man of
     twenty-five who honestly admires the ladies, though he is amused
     by their quaintness. He is modestly aware that in the blue and
     white room alone is he esteemed a wit._)


   BROWN
Miss Susan, how do you do, ma'am? Nay, Miss Phoebe, though we have met
to-day already I insist on shaking hands with you again.


   MISS SUSAN
Always so dashing.

     (VALENTINE _laughs and the ladies exchange delighted smiles_.)


  [Illustration:

  PHOEBE
  _It was raining, and my face was wet_]


   VALENTINE
(_To_ MISS SUSAN) And my other friends, I hope I find them in health?
The spinet, ma'am, seems quite herself to-day; I trust the ottoman
passed a good night?


   MISS SUSAN
(_Beaming_) We are all quite well, sir.


   VALENTINE
May I sit on this chair, Miss Phoebe? I know Miss Susan likes me to
break her chairs.


   MISS SUSAN
Indeed, sir, I do not. Phoebe, how strange that he should think so.


   PHOEBE
(_Instantly_) The remark was humorous, was it not?


   VALENTINE
How you see through me, Miss Phoebe.

     (_The sisters again exchange delighted smiles._ VALENTINE _is
     about to take a seat_.)


   MISS SUSAN
(_Thinking aloud_) Oh dear, I feel sure he is going to roll the coverlet
into a ball and then sit on it.

     (VALENTINE, _who has been on the point of doing so, abstains and
     sits guiltily_.)


   VALENTINE
So I am dashing, Miss Susan? Am I dashing, Miss Phoebe?


   PHOEBE
A--little, I think.


   VALENTINE
Well, but I have something to tell you to-day which I really think is
rather dashing. (MISS SUSAN _gathers her knitting, looks at_ PHOEBE,
_and is preparing to go_.) You are not going, ma'am, before you know
what it is?


   MISS SUSAN
I--I--indeed--to be sure--I--I know, Mr. Brown.


   PHOEBE
Susan!


   MISS SUSAN
I mean I do not know. I mean I can guess--I mean---- Phoebe, my love,
explain. (_She goes out._)


   VALENTINE
(_Rather disappointed_) The explanation being, I suppose, that you both
know, and I had flattered myself 'twas such a secret. Am I then to
understand that you had foreseen it all, Miss Phoebe?


   PHOEBE
Nay, sir, you must not ask that.


   VALENTINE
I believe in any case 'twas you who first put it into my head.


   PHOEBE
(_Aghast_) Oh, I hope not.


   VALENTINE
Your demure eyes flashed so every time the war was mentioned; the little
Quaker suddenly looked like a gallant boy in ringlets.

     (_A dread comes over_ PHOEBE, _but it is in her heart alone; it
     shows neither in face nor voice_.)


   PHOEBE
Mr. Brown, what is it you have to tell us?


   VALENTINE
That I have enlisted, Miss Phoebe. Did you surmise it was something
else?


   PHOEBE
You are going to the wars? Mr. Brown, is it a jest?


   VALENTINE
It would be a sorry jest, ma'am. I thought you knew. I concluded that
the recruiting sergeant had talked.


   PHOEBE
The recruiting sergeant? I see.


   VALENTINE
These stirring times, Miss Phoebe--he is but half a man who stays at
home. I have chafed for months. I want to see whether I have any
courage, and as to be an army surgeon does not appeal to me, it was
enlist or remain behind. To-day I found that there were five waverers. I
asked them would they take the shilling if I took it, and they
assented. Miss Phoebe, it is not one man I give to the King, but six.


   PHOEBE
(_Brightly_) I think you have done bravely.


   VALENTINE
We leave shortly for the Petersburgh barracks, and I go to London
to-morrow; so this is good-bye.


   PHOEBE
I shall pray that you may be preserved in battle, Mr. Brown.


   VALENTINE
And you and Miss Susan will write to me when occasion offers?


   PHOEBE
If you wish it.


   VALENTINE
(_Smiling_) With all the stirring news of Quality Street.


   PHOEBE
It seems stirring to us; it must have been merely laughable to you, who
came here from a great city.


   VALENTINE
Dear Quality Street--that thought me dashing! But I made friends in it,
Miss Phoebe, of two very sweet ladies.


   PHOEBE
(_Timidly_) Mr. Brown, I wonder why you have been so kind to my sister
and me?


   VALENTINE
The kindness was yours. If at first Miss Susan amused me----
(_Chuckling._) To see her on her knees decorating the little legs of the
couch with frills as if it were a child! But it was her sterling
qualities that impressed me presently.


   PHOEBE
And did--did I amuse you also?


   VALENTINE
Prodigiously, Miss Phoebe. Those other ladies, they were always scolding
you, your youthfulness shocked them. I believe they thought you
dashing.


   PHOEBE
(_Nervously_) I have sometimes feared that I was perhaps too dashing.


   VALENTINE
(_Laughing at this_) You delicious Miss Phoebe. You were too quiet. I
felt sorry that one so sweet and young should live so grey a life. I
wondered whether I could put any little pleasures into it.


   PHOEBE
The picnics? It was very good of you.


   VALENTINE
That was only how it began, for soon I knew that it was I who got the
pleasures and you who gave them. You have been to me, Miss Phoebe, like
a quiet, old-fashioned garden full of the flowers that Englishmen love
best because they have known them longest: the daisy, that stands for
innocence, and the hyacinth for constancy, and the modest violet and the
rose. When I am far away, ma'am, I shall often think of Miss Phoebe's
pretty soul, which is her garden, and shut my eyes and walk in it.

     (_She is smiling gallantly through her pain when_ MISS SUSAN
     _returns_.)


   MISS SUSAN
Have you--is it--you seem so calm, Phoebe.


   PHOEBE
(_Pressing her hand warningly and imploringly_) Susan, what Mr. Brown is
so obliging as to inform us of is not what we expected--not that at all.
My dear, he is the gentleman who has enlisted, and he came to tell us
that and to say good-bye.


   MISS SUSAN
Going away?


   PHOEBE
Yes, dear.


   VALENTINE
Am I not the ideal recruit, ma'am: a man without a wife or a mother or a
sweetheart?


   MISS SUSAN
No sweetheart?


  [Illustration:

  VALENTINE
  _To see her on her knees decorating the little legs of the couch with
  frills as if it were a child!_]


   VALENTINE
Have you one for me, Miss Susan?


   PHOEBE
(_Hastily, lest her sister's face should betray the truth_) Susan, we
shall have to tell him now. You dreadful man, you will laugh and say it
is just like Quality Street. But indeed since I met you to-day and you
told me you had something to communicate we have been puzzling what it
could be, and we concluded that you were going to be married.


   VALENTINE
Ha! ha! ha! Was that it.


   PHOEBE
So like women, you know. We thought we perhaps knew her. (_Glancing at
the wedding-gown._) We were even discussing what we should wear at the
wedding.


   VALENTINE
Ha! ha! I shall often think of this. I wonder who would have me, Miss
Susan. (_Rising._) But I must be off; and God bless you both.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Forlorn_) You are going?


   VALENTINE
No more mud on your carpet, Miss Susan; no more coverlets rolled into
balls. A good riddance. Miss Phoebe, a last look at the garden. (_Taking
her hand and looking into her face._)


   PHOEBE
We shall miss you very much, Mr. Brown.


   VALENTINE
There is one little matter. That investment I advised you to make, I am
happy it has turned out so well.


   PHOEBE
(_Checking_ MISS SUSAN, _who is about to tell of the loss of the money_)
It was good of you to take all that trouble, sir. Accept our grateful
thanks.


   VALENTINE
Not at all, but I am glad that you are so comfortably left; I am your
big brother. Good-bye again. (_Looks round._) This little blue and
white room and its dear inmates, may they be unchanged when I come back.
Good-bye.

     (_He goes._ MISS SUSAN _looks forlornly at_ PHOEBE, _who smiles
     pitifully_.)


   PHOEBE
A misunderstanding; just a mistake. (_She shudders, lifts the
wedding-gown and puts it back in the ottoman._ MISS SUSAN _sinks sobbing
into a chair_.) Don't, dear, don't--we can live it down.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Fiercely_) He is a fiend in human form.


   PHOEBE
Nay, you hurt me, sister. He is a brave gentleman.


   MISS SUSAN
The money; why did you not let me tell him?


   PHOEBE
(_Flushing_) So that he might offer to me out of pity, Susan?


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, how are we to live, with the quartern loaf at one and tenpence?


   PHOEBE
Brother James----


   MISS SUSAN
You know very well that brother James will do nothing for us.


   PHOEBE
I think, Susan, we could keep a little school--for genteel children
only, of course. I would do most of the teaching.

   MISS SUSAN
You a schoolmistress--Phoebe of the ringlets; every one would laugh.


   PHOEBE
I shall hide the ringlets away in a cap like yours, Susan, and people
will soon forget them. And I shall try to look staid and to grow old
quickly. It will not be so hard to me as you think, dear.


   MISS SUSAN
There were other gentlemen who were attracted by you, Phoebe, and you
turned from them.

   PHOEBE
I did not want them.


   MISS SUSAN
They will come again, and others.


   PHOEBE
No, dear; never speak of that to me any more. (_In woe_) I let him kiss
me.


   MISS SUSAN
You could not prevent him.


   PHOEBE
Yes, I could. I know I could now. I wanted him to do it. Oh, never speak
to me of others after that. Perhaps he saw I wanted it and did it to
please me. But I meant--indeed I did--that I gave it to him with all my
love. Sister, I could bear all the rest; but I have been unladylike.
(MISS SUSAN _tries to comfort her, but knows that it is true. The
curtain falls, and we do not see the sisters again for ten years_.)

_End of Act I._




  [Illustration:
  _Miss Phoebe is giving a dancing lesson to half a dozen pupils,
  and is doing her very best_]




_Act II_

THE SCHOOL


_Ten years later. It is the blue and white room still, but many of Miss
Susan's beautiful things have gone, some of them never to return; others
are stored upstairs. Their place is taken by grim scholastic furniture:
forms, a desk, a globe, a blackboard, heartless maps. It is here that
Miss Phoebe keeps school. Miss Susan teaches in the room opening off it,
once the innocent spare bedroom, where there is a smaller blackboard
(for easier sums) but no globe, as she is easily alarmed. Here are the
younger pupils unless they have grown defiant, when they are promoted to
the blue and white room to be under Miss Phoebe's braver rule. They
really frighten Miss Phoebe also, but she does not let her sister know
this._

_It is noon on a day in August, and through the window we can see that
Quality Street is decorated with flags. We also hear at times martial
music from another street. Miss Phoebe is giving a dancing lesson to
half a dozen pupils, and is doing her very best; now she is at the
spinet while they dance, and again she is showing them the new step. We
know it is Miss Phoebe because some of her pretty airs and graces still
cling to her in a forlorn way, but she is much changed. Her curls are
out of sight under a cap, her manner is prim, the light has gone from
her eyes and buoyancy from her figure; she looks not ten years older but
twenty, and not an easy twenty. When the children are not looking at her
we know that she has the headache._


   PHOEBE
(_Who is sometimes at spinet and sometimes dancing_) Toes out. So. Chest
out, Georgy. Point your toes, Miss Beveridge--so. So--keep in line; and
young ladies, remember your toes. (GEORGY _in his desire to please has
protruded the wrong part of his person. She writes a_ C _on his chest
with chalk_.) C stands for chest, Georgy. This is S.

     (MISS SUSAN _darts out of the other room. She is less worn than_
     MISS PHOEBE.)


   MISS SUSAN
(_Whispering so that the pupils may not hear_) Phoebe, how many are
fourteen and seventeen?


   PHOEBE
(_Almost instantly_) Thirty-one.


   MISS SUSAN
I thank you. (_She darts off._)


  [Illustration: _She writes a_ C _on his chest with chalk_]


   PHOEBE
That will do, ladies and gentlemen. You may go.

     (_They bow or curtsey, and retire to_ MISS SUSAN'S _room, with
     the exception of_ ARTHUR WELLESLEY TOMSON, _who is standing in
     disgrace in a corner with the cap of shame on his head, and_
     ISABELLA, _a forbidding-looking, learned little girl_. ISABELLA
     _holds up her hand for permission to speak_.)


   ISABELLA
Please, ma'am, father wishes me to acquire algebra.


   PHOEBE
(_With a sinking_) Algebra! It--it is not a very ladylike study,
Isabella.


   ISABELLA
Father says, will you or won't you?


   PHOEBE
And you are thin. It will make you thinner, my dear.


   ISABELLA
Father says I am thin but wiry.


   PHOEBE
Yes, you are. (_With feeling_) You are very wiry, Isabella.


   ISABELLA
Father says, either I acquire algebra or I go to Miss Prothero's
establishment.


   PHOEBE
Very well, I--I will do my best. You may go.

     (ISABELLA _goes, and_ PHOEBE _sits wearily_.)


   ARTHUR
(_Fingering his cap_) Please, ma'am, may I take it off now?


   PHOEBE
Certainly not. Unhappy boy---- (ARTHUR _grins_.) Come here. Are you
ashamed of yourself?


   ARTHUR
(_Blithely_) No, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
(_In a terrible voice_) Arthur Wellesley Tomson, fetch me the implement.
(ARTHUR _goes briskly for the cane, and she hits the desk with it_.)
Arthur, surely that terrifies you?


   ARTHUR
No, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
Arthur, why did you fight with that street boy?


   ARTHUR
'Cos he said that when you caned you did not draw blood.


   PHOEBE
But I don't, do I?


   ARTHUR
No, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
Then why fight him? (_Remembering how strange boys are_) Was it for the
honour of the school?


   ARTHUR
Yes, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
Say you are sorry, Arthur, and I won't punish you. (_He bursts into
tears._)


   ARTHUR
You promised to cane me, and now you are not going to do it.


   PHOEBE
(_Incredulous_) Do you _wish_ to be caned?


   ARTHUR
(_Holding out his hand eagerly_) If you please, Miss Phoebe.


   PHOEBE
Unnatural boy. (_She canes him in a very unprofessional manner._) Poor
dear boy. (_She kisses the hand._)


   ARTHUR
(_Gloomily_) Oh, ma'am, you will never be able to cane if you hold it
like that. You should hold it like this, Miss Phoebe, and give it a
wriggle like that. (_She is too soft-hearted to follow his
instructions._)


   PHOEBE
(_Almost in tears_) Go away.


   ARTHUR
(_Remembering that women are strange_) Don't cry, ma'am; I love you,
Miss Phoebe. (_She seats him on her knee, and he thinks of a way to
please her_.)

If any boy says you can't cane I will blood him, Miss Phoebe.

     (PHOEBE _shudders, and_ MISS SUSAN _again darts in. She signs to_
     PHOEBE _to send_ ARTHUR _away_.)


   MISS SUSAN
(_As soon as_ ARTHUR _has gone_) Phoebe, if a herring and a half cost
three ha'pence, how many for elevenpence?


   PHOEBE
(_Instantly_) Eleven.


   MISS SUSAN
William Smith says it is fifteen; and he is such a big boy, do you think
I ought to contradict him? May I say there are differences of opinion
about it? No one can be really sure, Phoebe.


   PHOEBE
It is eleven. I once worked it out with real herrings. (_Stoutly_)
Susan, we must never let the big boys know that we are afraid of them.
To awe them, stamp with the foot, speak in a ferocious voice, and look
them unflinchingly in the face. (_Then she pales._) Oh, Susan,
Isabella's father insists on her acquiring algebra.


  [Illustration:

  PHOEBE
  _Unhappy boy--Are you ashamed of yourself?_]


   MISS SUSAN
What is algebra exactly; is it those three cornered things?


   PHOEBE
It is _x_ minus _y_ equals _z_ plus _y_ and things like that. And all
the time you are saying they are equal, you feel in your heart, why
should they be.

     (_The music of the band swells here, and both ladies put their
     hands to their ears._)

It is the band for to-night's ball. We must not grudge their rejoicings,
Susan. It is not every year that there is a Waterloo to celebrate.


   MISS SUSAN
I was not thinking of that. I was thinking that _he_ is to be at the
ball to-night; and we have not seen him for ten years.


   PHOEBE
(_Calmly_) Yes, ten years. We shall be glad to welcome our old friend
back, Susan. I am going in to your room now to take the Latin class.

     (_A soldier with a girl passes--yokel follows angrily._)


   MISS SUSAN
Oh, that weary Latin, I wish I had the whipping of the man who invented
it.

     (_She returns to her room, and the sound of the music dies away._
     MISS PHOEBE, _who is not a very accomplished classical scholar,
     is taking a final peep at the declensions when_ MISS SUSAN
     _reappears excitedly_.)


   PHOEBE
What is it?


   MISS SUSAN
(_Tragically_) William Smith! Phoebe, I tried to look ferocious, indeed
I did, but he saw I was afraid, and before the whole school he put out
his tongue at me.


   PHOEBE
Susan! (_She is lion-hearted; she remembers_ ARTHUR'S _instructions, and
practises with the cane_.)


   MISS SUSAN
(_Frightened_) Phoebe, he is much too big. Let it pass.


   PHOEBE
If I let it pass I am a stumbling-block in the way of true education.


   MISS SUSAN
Sister.


   PHOEBE
(_Grandly_) Susan, stand aside.

     (_Giving the cane_ ARTHUR'S _most telling flick, she marches into
     the other room. Then, while_ MISS SUSAN _is listening nervously_,
     CAPTAIN VALENTINE BROWN _is ushered in by_ PATTY. _He is bronzed
     and soldierly. He wears the whiskers of the period, and is in
     uniform. He has lost his left hand, but this is not at first
     noticeable._)


   PATTY
Miss Susan, 'tis Captain Brown!


   MISS SUSAN
Captain Brown!


   VALENTINE
(_Greeting her warmly_) Reports himself at home again.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Gratified_) You call this home?


   VALENTINE
When the other men talked of their homes, Miss Susan, I thought of this
room. (_Looking about him_) Maps--desks--heigho! But still it is the
same dear room. I have often dreamt, Miss Susan, that I came back to it
in muddy shoes. (_Seeing her alarm_) I have not, you know. Miss Susan, I
rejoice to find no change in you; and Miss Phoebe--Miss Phoebe of the
ringlets--I hope there be as little change in her?


   MISS SUSAN
(_Painfully_) Phoebe of the ringlets! Ah, Captain Brown, you need not
expect to see her.


  [Illustration:
  _Phoebe rushes out, followed by William Smith who is brandishing
  the cane_]


   VALENTINE
She is not here? I vow it spoils all my home-coming.

     (_At this moment the door of the other room is flung open and_
     PHOEBE _rushes out, followed by_ WILLIAM SMITH _who is
     brandishing the cane_. VALENTINE _takes in the situation, and
     without looking at_ PHOEBE _seizes_ WILLIAM _by the collar and
     marches him out of the school_.)


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, did you see who it is?


   PHOEBE
I saw. (_In a sudden tremor_) Susan, I have lost all my looks.

     (_The pupils are crowding in from_ MISS SUSAN'S _room and she
     orders them back and goes with them_. VALENTINE _returns, and
     speaks as he enters, not recognising_ PHOEBE, _whose back is to
     him_.)


   VALENTINE
A young reprobate, madam, but I have deposited him on the causeway. I
fear--(_He stops, puzzled because the lady has covered her face with her
hands._)


   PHOEBE
Captain Brown.


   VALENTINE
Miss Phoebe, it is you?

     (_He goes to her, but he cannot help showing that her appearance
     is a shock to him_.)


   PHOEBE
(_Without bitterness_) Yes, I have changed very much, I have not worn
well, Captain Brown.


   VALENTINE
(_Awkwardly_) We--we are both older, Miss Phoebe.

     (_He holds out his hand warmly, with affected high spirits._)


   PHOEBE
(_Smiling reproachfully_) It was both hands when you went away. (_He has
to show that his left hand is gone; she is overcome._) I did not know.
(_She presses the empty sleeve in remorse._) You never mentioned it in
your letters.


   VALENTINE
(_Now grown rather stern_) Miss Phoebe, what did _you_ omit from your
letters? that you had such young blackguards as that to terrify you.


   PHOEBE
He is the only one. Most of them are dear children; and this is the last
day of the term.


   VALENTINE
Ah, ma'am, if only you had invested all your money as you laid out part
by my advice. What a monstrous pity you did not.


   PHOEBE
We never thought of it.


   VALENTINE
You look so tired.


   PHOEBE
I have the headache to-day.


   VALENTINE
You did not use to have the headache. Curse those dear children.


   PHOEBE
(_Bravely_) Nay, do not distress yourself about me. Tell me of yourself.
We are so proud of the way in which you won your commission. Will you
leave the army now?


  [Illustration:

  ARTHUR
  _If any boy says you can't cane I will blood him, Miss Phoebe_]


   VALENTINE
Yes; and I have some intention of pursuing again the old life in Quality
Street. (_He is not a man who has reflected much. He has come back
thinking that all the adventures have been his, and that the old life in
Quality Street has waited, as in a sleep, to be resumed on the day of
his return._) I came here in such high spirits, Miss Phoebe.


   PHOEBE
(_With a wry smile_) The change in me depresses you.


   VALENTINE
I was in hopes that you and Miss Susan would be going to the ball. I had
brought cards for you with me to make sure.

     (_She is pleased and means to accept. He sighs, and she
     understands that he thinks her too old._)


   PHOEBE
But now you see that my dancing days are done.


   VALENTINE
(_Uncomfortably_) Ah, no.


   PHOEBE
(_Taking care he shall not see that he has hurt her_) But you will find
many charming partners. Some of them have been my pupils. There was even
a pupil of mine who fought at Waterloo.


   VALENTINE
Young Blades; I have heard him on it. (_She puts her hand wearily to her
head._) Miss Phoebe--what a dull grey world it is!

     (_She turns away to hide her emotion, and_ MISS SUSAN _comes
     in_.)


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, I have said that you will not take the Latin class to-day, and I
am dismissing them.


   VALENTINE
Latin?


   PHOEBE
(_Rather defiantly_) I am proud to teach it. (_Breaking down_)
Susan--his arm--have you seen?

     (MISS SUSAN _also is overcome, but recovers as the children crowd
     in_.)


   MISS SUSAN
Hats off, gentlemen salute, ladies curtsey--to the brave Captain Brown.

     (CAPTAIN BROWN _salutes them awkwardly, and they cheer him, to
     his great discomfort, as they pass out_.)


   VALENTINE
(_When they have gone_) A terrible ordeal, ma'am.

     (_The old friends look at each other, and there is a silence._
     VALENTINE _feels that all the fine tales and merry jests he has
     brought back for the ladies have turned into dead things. He
     wants to go away and think_.)


   PHOEBE
I wish you very happy at the ball.


   VALENTINE
(_Sighing_) Miss Susan, cannot we turn all these maps and horrors out
till the vacation is over?


   MISS SUSAN
Indeed, sir, we always do. By to-morrow this will be my dear blue and
white room again, and that my sweet spare bedroom.


   PHOEBE
For five weeks!


   VALENTINE
(_Making vain belief_) And then--the--the dashing Mr. Brown will drop in
as of old, and, behold, Miss Susan on her knees once more putting tucks
into my little friend the ottoman, and Miss Phoebe--Miss Phoebe--


   PHOEBE
Phoebe of the ringlets! (_She goes out quietly._)


   VALENTINE
(_Miserably_) Miss Susan, what a shame it is.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Hotly_) Yes, it is a shame.


   VALENTINE
(_Suddenly become more of a man_) The brave Captain Brown! Good God,
ma'am, how much more brave are the ladies who keep a school.

     (PATTY _shows in two visitors_, MISS CHARLOTTE PARRATT _and_
     ENSIGN BLADES. CHARLOTTE _is a pretty minx who we are glad to
     say does not reside in Quality Street, and_ BLADES _is a callow
     youth, inviting admiration_.)


   CHARLOTTE
(_As they salute_) But I did not know you had company, Miss Susan.


   MISS SUSAN
'Tis Captain Brown--Miss Charlotte Parratt.


   CHARLOTTE
(_Gushing_) The heroic Brown?


   VALENTINE
Alas, no, ma'am, the other one.


   CHARLOTTE
Miss Susan, do you see who accompanies me?


   MISS SUSAN
I cannot quite recall----


   BLADES
A few years ago, ma'am, there sat in this room a scrubby, inky little
boy--I was that boy.


   MISS SUSAN
Can it be our old pupil--Ensign Blades?

     (_She thinks him very fine, and he bows, well pleased._)


   BLADES
Once a little boy and now your most obedient, ma'am.


   MISS SUSAN
You have come to recall old memories?


   BLADES
Not precisely; I--Charlotte, explain.


   CHARLOTTE
Ensign Blades wishes me to say that it must seem highly romantic to you
to have had a pupil who has fought at Waterloo.


   MISS SUSAN
Not exactly _romantic_. I trust, sir, that when you speak of having been
our pupil you are also so obliging as to mention that it was during our
first year. Otherwise it makes us seem so elderly.

     (_He bows again, in what he believes to be a quizzical manner._)


   CHARLOTTE
Ensign Blades would be pleased to hear, Miss Susan, what you think of
him as a whole.


   MISS SUSAN
Indeed, sir, I think you are monstrous fine. (_Innocently_) It quite
awes me to remember that we used to whip him.


   VALENTINE
(_Delighted_) Whipped him, Miss Susan! (_In solemn burlesque of_
CHARLOTTE) Ensign Blades wishes to indicate that it was more than
Buonaparte could do. We shall meet again, bright boy.

     (_He makes his adieux and goes._)


   BLADES
Do you think he was quizzing me?


   MISS SUSAN
(_Simply_) I cannot think so.


   BLADES
He said 'bright boy,' ma'am.


   MISS SUSAN
I am sure, sir, he did not mean it.
     (_Phoebe returns._)


   PHOEBE
Charlotte, I am happy to see you. You look delicious, my dear--so young
and fresh.


   CHARLOTTE
La! Do you think so, Miss Phoebe?


   BLADES
Miss Phoebe, your obedient.


   PHOEBE
It is Ensign Blades! But how kind of you, sir, to revisit the old
school. Please to sit down.


   CHARLOTTE
Ensign Blades has a favour to ask of you, Miss Phoebe.


   BLADES
I learn, ma'am, that Captain Brown has obtained a card for you for the
ball, and I am here to solicit for the honour of standing up with you.

     (_For the moment_ PHOEBE _is flattered. Here, she believes, is
     some one who does not think her too old for the dance. Then she
     perceives a meaning smile pass between_ CHARLOTTE _and the_
     ENSIGN.)


  [Illustration:
  _A soldier with a girl passes--yokel follows angrily_]


  [Illustration:
  _She perceives a meaning smile pass between Charlotte and the Ensign_]


   PHOEBE
(_Paling_) Is it that you desire to make sport of me?


   BLADES
(_Honestly distressed_) Oh no, ma'am, I vow--but I--I am such a quiz,
ma'am.


   MISS SUSAN
Sister!


   PHOEBE
I am sorry, sir, to have to deprive you of some entertainment, but I am
not going to the ball.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Haughtily_) Ensign Blades, I bid you my adieux.


   BLADES
(_Ashamed_) If I have hurt Miss Phoebe's feelings I beg to apologise.


   MISS SUSAN
_If_ you have hurt them. Oh, sir, how is it possible for any one to be
as silly as you seem to be?


   BLADES
(_Who cannot find the answer_) Charlotte--explain.

     (_But_ CHARLOTTE _considers that their visit has not been
     sufficiently esteemed and departs with a cold curtsey, taking
     him with her_.)
     (MISS SUSAN _turns sympathetically to_ PHOEBE, _but_ PHOEBE,
     _fighting with her pain, sits down at the spinet and plays at
     first excitedly a gay tune, then slowly, then comes to a stop
     with her head bowed. Soon she jumps up courageously, brushes away
     her distress, gets an algebra book from the desk and sits down to
     study it_. MISS SUSAN _is at the window, where ladies and
     gentlemen are now seen passing in ball attire_.)


   MISS SUSAN
What book is it, Phoebe?


   PHOEBE
It is an algebra.


   MISS SUSAN
They are going by to the ball. (_In anger_) My Phoebe should be going to
the ball too.


   PHOEBE
You jest, Susan. (MISS SUSAN _watches her read_. PHOEBE _has to wipe
away a tear; soon she rises and gives way to the emotion she has been
suppressing ever since the entrance of_ VALENTINE.) Susan, I hate him.
Oh, Susan, I could hate him if it were not for his poor hand.


   MISS SUSAN
My dear.


   PHOEBE
He thought I was old, because I am weary, and he should not have
forgotten. I am only thirty. Susan, why does thirty seem so much more
than twenty-nine? (_As if_ VALENTINE _were present_.) Oh, sir, how dare
you look so pityingly at me? Because I have had to work so hard,--is it
a crime when a woman works? Because I have tried to be courageous--have
I been courageous, Susan?


   MISS SUSAN
God knows you have.


   PHOEBE
But it has given me the headache, it has tired my eyes. Alas, Miss
Phoebe, all your charm has gone, for you have the headache, and your
eyes are tired. He is dancing with Charlotte Parratt now, Susan. 'I vow,
Miss Charlotte, you are selfish and silly, but you are sweet eighteen.'
'Oh la, Captain Brown, what a quiz you are.' That delights him, Susan;
see how he waggles his silly head.


   MISS SUSAN
Charlotte Parratt is a goose.


   PHOEBE
'Tis what gentlemen prefer. If there were a sufficient number of geese
to go round, Susan, no woman of sense would ever get a husband.
'Charming Miss Charlotte, you are like a garden; Miss Phoebe was like a
garden once, but 'tis a faded garden now.'


   MISS SUSAN
If to be ladylike----


   PHOEBE
Susan, I am tired of being ladylike. I am a young woman still, and to be
ladylike is not enough. I wish to be bright and thoughtless and merry.
It is every woman's birthright to be petted and admired; I wish to be
petted and admired. Was I born to be confined within these four walls?
Are they the world, Susan, or is there anything beyond them? I want to
know. My eyes are tired because for ten years they have seen nothing but
maps and desks. Ten years! Ten years ago I went to bed a young girl and
I woke with this cap on my head. It is not fair. This is not me, Susan,
this is some other person, I want to be myself.


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, Phoebe, you who have always been so patient!


   PHOEBE
Oh no, not always. If you only knew how I have rebelled at times, you
would turn from me in horror. Susan, I have a picture of myself as I
used to be; I sometimes look at it. I sometimes kiss it, and say, 'Poor
girl, they have all forgotten you. But I remember.'


   MISS SUSAN
I cannot recall it.


   PHOEBE
I keep it locked away in my room. Would you like to see it? I shall
bring it down. My room! Oh, Susan, it is there that the Phoebe you think
so patient has the hardest fight with herself, for there I have seemed
to hear and see the Phoebe of whom this (_looking at herself_) is but
an image in a distorted glass. I have heard her singing as if she
thought she was still a girl. I have heard her weeping; perhaps it was
only I who was weeping; but she seemed to cry to me, 'Let me out of this
prison, give me back the years you have taken from me. Oh, where are my
pretty curls?' she cried. 'Where is my youth, my youth.'

     (_She goes out, leaving_ MISS SUSAN _woeful. Presently_ SUSAN
     _takes up the algebra book, and reads_.)


   MISS SUSAN
'A stroke B multiplied by B stroke C equal AB stroke a little 2; stroke
AC add BC. "Poor Phoebe!" Multiply by C stroke A and we get--Poor
Phoebe! C a B stroke a little 2 stroke AC little 2 add BC. "Oh, I cannot
believe it!" Stroke a little 2 again, add AB little 2 add a little 2 C
stroke a BC.'...

     (PATTY _comes in with the lamp_.)


   PATTY
Hurting your poor eyes reading without a lamp. Think shame, Miss Susan.


   MISS SUSAN
(_With spirit_) Patty, I will not be dictated to. (PATTY _looks out at
window_.) Draw the curtains at once. I cannot allow you to stand gazing
at the foolish creatures who crowd to a ball.


   PATTY
(_Closing curtains_) I am not gazing at them, ma'am; I am gazing at my
sweetheart.


   MISS SUSAN
Your sweetheart? (_Softly_) I did not know you had one.


   PATTY
Nor have I, ma'am, as yet. But I looks out, and thinks I to myself, at
any moment he may turn the corner. I ha' been looking out at windows
waiting for him to oblige by turning the corner this fifteen years.


   MISS SUSAN
Fifteen years, and still you are hopeful?


   PATTY
There is not a more hopeful woman in all the king's dominions.


  [Illustration:
  _Polly ushers in the sisters Willoughby and Miss Henrietta. Miss
  Henrietta is wearing the new veil, which opens or closes like
  curtains when she pulls a string_]


   MISS SUSAN
You who are so much older than Miss Phoebe.


   PATTY
Yes, ma'am, I ha' the advantage of her by ten years.


   MISS SUSAN
It would be idle to pretend that you are specially comely.


   PATTY
That may be, but my face is my own, and the more I see it in the glass
the more it pleases me. I never look at it but I say to myself, 'Who is
to be the lucky man?'


   MISS SUSAN
'Tis wonderful.


   PATTY
This will be a great year for females, ma'am. Think how many of the men
that marched away strutting to the wars have come back limping. Who is
to take off their wooden legs of an evening, Miss Susan? You, ma'am, or
me?


   MISS SUSAN
Patty!


   PATTY
(_Doggedly_) Or Miss Phoebe? (_With feeling_) The pretty thing that she
was, Miss Susan.


   MISS SUSAN
Do you remember, Patty? I think there is no other person who remembers
unless it be the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta.


   PATTY
(_Eagerly_) Give her a chance, ma'am, and take her to the balls. There
be three of them this week, and the last ball will be the best, for 'tis
to be at the barracks, and you will need a carriage to take you there,
and there will be the packing of you into it by gallant squires and the
unpacking of you out, and other devilries.


   MISS SUSAN
Patty!


   PATTY
If Miss Phoebe were to dress young again and put candles in her eyes
that used to be so bright, and coax back her curls--

     (PHOEBE _returns, and a great change has come over her. She is
     young and pretty again. She is wearing the wedding-gown of_ ACT
     I., _her ringlets are glorious, her figure youthful, her face
     flushed and animated_, PATTY _is the first to see her, and is
     astounded_. PHOEBE _signs to her to go_.)


   PHOEBE
(_When_ PATTY _has gone_) Susan. (MISS SUSAN _sees and is speechless_.)
Susan, this is the picture of my old self that I keep locked away in my
room, and sometimes take out of its box to look at. This is the girl who
kisses herself in the glass and sings and dances with glee until I put
her away frightened lest you should hear her.


   MISS SUSAN
How marvellous! Oh, Phoebe.


   PHOEBE
Perhaps I should not do it, but it is so easy. I have but to put on the
old wedding-gown and tumble my curls out of the cap. (_Passionately_)
Sister, am I as changed as he says I am?


   MISS SUSAN
You almost frighten me.

     (_The band is heard._)


   PHOEBE
The music is calling to us. Susan, I will celebrate Waterloo in a little
ball of my own. See, my curls have begun to dance, they are so anxious
to dance. One dance, Susan, to Phoebe of the ringlets, and then I will
put her away in her box and never look at her again. Ma'am, may I have
the honour? Nay, then I shall dance alone. (_She dances._) Oh, Susan, I
almost wish I were a goose.

     (_Presently_ PATTY _returns. She gazes at_ MISS PHOEBE
     _dancing_.)


   PATTY
Miss Phoebe!


   PHOEBE
(_Still dancing_) Not Miss Phoebe, Patty. I am not myself to-night, I
am--let me see, I am my niece.


   PATTY
(_In a whisper to_ SUSAN) But Miss Susan, 'tis Captain Brown.


   MISS SUSAN
Oh, stop, Phoebe, stop!


   PATTY
Nay, let him see her!

     (MISS SUSAN _hurries scandalised into the other room as_
     VALENTINE _enters_.)


   VALENTINE
I ventured to come back because---- (PHOEBE _turns to him--he stops
abruptly, bewildered_). I beg your pardon, madam, I thought it was Miss
Susan or Miss Phoebe.

     (_His mistake surprises her, but she is in a wild mood and
     curtseys, then turns away and smiles. He stares as if
     half-convinced._)


   PATTY
(_With an inspiration_) 'Tis my mistresses' niece, sir; she is on a
visit here.

     (_He is deceived. He bows gallantly, then remembers the object of
     his visit. He produces a bottle of medicine._)


   VALENTINE
Patty, I obtained this at the apothecary's for Miss Phoebe's headache.
It should be taken at once.


   PATTY
Miss Phoebe is lying down, sir.


   VALENTINE
Is she asleep?


   PATTY
(_Demurely_) No, sir, I think she be wide awake.


   VALENTINE
It may soothe her.


   PHOEBE
Patty, take it to Aunt Phoebe at once.

     (PATTY _goes out sedately with the medicine_.)


   VALENTINE
(_After a little awkwardness, which_ PHOEBE _enjoys_) Perhaps I may
venture to introduce myself, Miss--Miss--?


   PHOEBE
Miss--Livvy, sir.


   VALENTINE
I am Captain Brown, Miss Livvy, an old friend of both your aunts.


   PHOEBE
(_Curtseying_) I have heard them speak of a dashing Mr. Brown. But I
think it cannot be the same.


   VALENTINE
(_A little chagrined_) Why not, ma'am?


   PHOEBE
I ask your pardon, sir.


   VALENTINE
I was sure you must be related. Indeed, for a moment the likeness--even
the voice--


   PHOEBE
(_Pouting_) La, sir, you mean I am like Aunt Phoebe. Every one says
so--and indeed 'tis no compliment.


   VALENTINE
'Twould have been a compliment once. You must be a daughter of the
excellent Mr. James Throssel who used to reside at Great Buckland.


   PHOEBE
He is still there.


   VALENTINE
A tedious twenty miles from here, as I remember.


   PHOEBE
La! I have found the journey a monstrous quick one, sir.

     (_The band is again heard. She runs to the window to peep between
     the curtains, and his eyes follow her admiringly._)


   VALENTINE
(_Eagerly_) Miss Livvy, you go to the ball?


   PHOEBE
Alas, sir, I have no card.


   VALENTINE
I have two cards for your aunts. As Miss Phoebe has the headache, your
Aunt Susan must take you to the ball.


   PHOEBE
Oh, oh! (_Her feet move to the music._) Sir, I cannot control my feet.


  [Illustration:

  MISS WILLOUGHBY
  _We shall probably spend the evening here with Miss Susan
  at the card table_]


   VALENTINE
They are already at the ball, ma'am; you must follow them.


   PHOEBE
(_With all the pent-up mischief of ten years_) Oh, sir, do you think
some pretty gentleman might be partial to me at the ball?


   VALENTINE
If that is your wish--


   PHOEBE
I should love, sir, to inspire frenzy in the breast of the male. (_With
sudden collapse_) I dare not go--I dare not.


   VALENTINE
Miss Livvy, I vow----

     (_He turns eagerly to_ MISS SUSAN, _who enters_.)

I have ventured, Miss Susan, to introduce myself to your charming niece.

     (MISS SUSAN _would like to run away again, but the wicked_ MISS
     PHOEBE _is determined to have her help_.)


   PHOEBE
Aunt Susan, do not be angry with your Livvy--your Livvy, Aunt Susan.
This gentleman says he is the dashing Mr. Brown, he has cards for us for
the ball, Auntie. Of course we cannot go--we dare not go. Oh, Auntie,
hasten into your bombazine.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Staggered_) Phoebe--


   PHOEBE
Aunt Phoebe wants me to go. If I say she does you know she does!


   MISS SUSAN
But my dear, my dear.


   PHOEBE
Oh, Auntie, why do you talk so much. Come, come.


   VALENTINE
I shall see to it, Miss Susan, that your niece has a charming ball.


   PHOEBE
He means he will find me sweet partners.


   VALENTINE
Nay, ma'am, I mean _I_ shall be your partner.


   PHOEBE
(_Who is not an angel_) Aunt Susan, he still dances!


   VALENTINE
_Still_, ma'am?


   PHOEBE
Oh, sir, you are indeed dashing. Nay, sir, please not to scowl, I could
not avoid noticing them.


   VALENTINE
Noticing what, Miss Livvy?


   PHOEBE
The grey hairs, sir.


   VALENTINE
I vow, ma'am, there is not one in my head.


   PHOEBE
He is such a quiz. I so love a quiz.


   VALENTINE
Then, ma'am, I shall do nothing but quiz you at the ball. Miss Susan, I
beg you----


   MISS SUSAN
Oh, sir, dissuade her.


   VALENTINE
Nay, I entreat.


   PHOEBE
Auntie!


   MISS SUSAN
Think, my dear, think, we dare not.


   PHOEBE
(_Shuddering_) No, we dare not, I cannot go.


   VALENTINE
Indeed, ma'am----


   PHOEBE
'Tis impossible.

     (_She really means it, and had not the music here taken an unfair
     advantage of her it is certain that_ MISS PHOEBE _would never
     have gone to the ball. In after years she and_ MISS SUSAN _would
     have talked together of the monstrous evening when she nearly
     lost her head, but regained it before it could fall off. But
     suddenly the music swells so alluringly that it is a thousand
     fingers beckoning her to all the balls she has missed, and in a
     transport she whirls_ MISS SUSAN _from the blue and white room to
     the bed-chamber where is the bombazine_. VALENTINE _awaits their
     return like a conqueror, until_ MISS LIVVY'S _words about his
     hair return to trouble him. He is stooping, gazing intently into
     a small mirror, extracting the grey hairs one by one, when_ PATTY
     _ushers in the sisters_ WILLOUGHBY _and_ MISS HENRIETTA. MISS
     HENRIETTA _is wearing the new veil, which opens or closes like
     curtains when she pulls a string. She opens it now to see what he
     is doing, and the slight sound brings him to his feet_.)


   MISS HENRIETTA
'Tis but the new veil, sir; there is no cause for alarm.

     (_They have already learned from_ PATTY, _we may be sure, that he
     is in the house, but they express genteel surprise_.)


   MISS FANNY
Mary, surely we are addressing the gallant Captain Brown!


     VALENTINE
It is the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta. 'Tis indeed a
gratification to renew acquaintance with such elegant and respectable
females.

     (_The greetings are elaborate._)


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
You have seen Miss Phoebe, sir?


   VALENTINE
I have had the honour. Miss Phoebe, I regret to say, is now lying down
with the headache. (_The ladies are too delicately minded to exchange
glances before a man, but they are privately of opinion that this
meeting after ten years with the dazzling_ BROWN _has laid_ MISS PHOEBE
_low. They are in a twitter of sympathy with her, and yearning to see_
MISS SUSAN _alone, so that they may draw from her an account of the
exciting meeting_.) You do not favour the ball to-night?


   MISS FANNY
I confess balls are distasteful to me.


   MISS HENRIETTA
'Twill be a mixed assembly. I am credibly informed that the woollen
draper's daughter has obtained a card.


   VALENTINE
(_Gravely_) Good God, ma'am, is it possible.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
We shall probably spend the evening here with Miss Susan at the card
table.


   VALENTINE
But Miss Susan goes with me to the ball, ma'am.

     (_This is scarcely less exciting to them than the overthrow of
     the Corsican._)


   VALENTINE
Nay, I hope there be no impropriety. Miss Livvy will accompany her.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_Bewildered_) Miss Livvy?


   VALENTINE
Their charming niece.

     (_The ladies repeat the word in a daze._)


   MISS FANNY
They had not apprised us that they have a visitor.

     (_They think this reticence unfriendly, and are wondering whether
     they ought not to retire hurt, when_ MISS SUSAN _enters in her
     bombazine, wraps, and bonnet. She starts at sight of them, and
     has the bearing of a guilty person_.)


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_Stiffly_) We have but now been advertised of your intention for this
evening, Susan.


   MISS HENRIETTA
We deeply regret our intrusion.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Wistfully_) Please not to be piqued, Mary. 'Twas so--sudden.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
I cannot remember, Susan, that your estimable brother had a daughter. I
thought all the three were sons.


   MISS SUSAN
(_With deplorable readiness_) Three sons and a daughter. Surely you
remember little Livvy, Mary?


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_Bluntly_) No, Susan, I do not.


   MISS SUSAN
I--I must go. I hear Livvy calling.


   MISS FANNY
(_Tartly_) I hear nothing but the band. We are not to see your niece?


   MISS SUSAN
Another time--to-morrow. Pray rest a little before you depart, Mary.
I--I--Phoebe Livvy--the headache--

     (_But before she can go another lady enters gaily._)


   VALENTINE
Ah, here is Miss Livvy.

     (_The true culprit is more cunning than_ MISS SUSAN, _and before
     they can see her she quickly pulls the strings of her bonnet,
     which is like_ MISS HENRIETTA'S, _and it obscures her face_.)


   MISS SUSAN
This--this is my niece, Livvy--Miss Willoughby, Miss Henrietta, Miss
Fanny Willoughby.


   VALENTINE
Ladies, excuse my impatience, but--


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
One moment, sir. May I ask, Miss Livvy, how many brothers you have.


   PHOEBE
Two.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
I thank you.

     (_She looks strangely at_ MISS SUSAN, _and_ MISS PHOEBE _knows
     that she has blundered_.)


   PHOEBE
(_At a venture_) Excluding the unhappy Thomas.


  [Illustration:
  _They are swept away on the arms of the impatient Captain_]


   MISS SUSAN
(_Clever for the only moment in her life_) We never mention him.

     (_They are swept away on the arms of the impatient_ CAPTAIN.)


   MISS WILLOUGHBY, MISS HENRIETTA, AND MISS FANNY
What has Thomas done?

     (_They have no suspicion as yet of what_ MISS PHOEBE _has done:
     but they believe there is a scandal in the Throssel family, and
     they will not sleep happily until they know what it is_.)

_End of Act II._




_Act III_

THE BALL


_A ball, but not the one to which we have seen Miss Susan and Miss
Phoebe rush forth upon their career of crime. This is the third of the
series, the one of which Patty has foretold with horrid relish that it
promises to be specially given over to devilries. The scene is a canvas
pavilion, used as a retiring room and for card play, and through an
opening in the back we have glimpses of gay uniforms and fair ladies
intermingled in the bravery of the dance. There is coming and going
through this opening, and also through slits in the canvas. The pavilion
is fantastically decorated in various tastes, and is lit with lanterns.
A good-natured moon, nevertheless, shines into it benignly. Some of the
card tables are neglected, but at one a game of quadrille is in
progress. There is much movement and hilarity, but none from one side of
the tent, where sit several young ladies, all pretty, all appealing and
all woeful, for no gallant comes to ask them if he may have the
felicity. The nervous woman chaperoning them, and afraid to meet their
gaze lest they scowl or weep in reply, is no other than Miss Susan, the
most unhappy Miss Susan we have yet seen; she sits there gripping her
composure in both hands. Far less susceptible to shame is the brazen
Phoebe, who may be seen passing the opening on the arm of a cavalier,
and flinging her trembling sister a mischievous kiss. The younger ladies
note the incident; alas, they are probably meant to notice it, and they
cower, as under a blow._


   HARRIET
(_A sad-eyed, large girl, who we hope found a romance at her next ball_)
Are we so disagreeable that no one will dance with us? Miss Susan, 'tis
infamous; they have eyes for no one but your niece.


   CHARLOTTE
Miss Livvy has taken Ensign Blades from me.


   HARRIET
If Miss Phoebe were here, I am sure she would not allow her old pupils
to be so neglected.

     (_The only possible reply for_ MISS SUSAN _is to make herself
     look as small as possible. A lieutenant comes to them, once a
     scorner of woman, but now_ SPICER _the bewitched_. HARRIET _has a
     moment's hope_.)

How do you do, sir?


  [Illustration:
  There is coming and going through this opening, and also
  through slits in the canvas.]


   SPICER
(_With dreadful indifference, though she is his dear cousin_) Nay,
ma'am, how do _you_ do? (_Wistfully_) May I stand beside you, Miss
Susan?

     (_He is a most melancholic young man, and he fidgets her._)


   [Illustration: _May I stand beside you, Miss Susan?_]


   MISS SUSAN
(_With spirit_) You have been standing beside me, sir, nearly all the
evening.


   SPICER
(_Humbly. It is strange to think that he had been favourably mentioned
in dispatches_) Indeed, I cannot but be cognisant of the sufferings I
cause by attaching myself to you in this unseemly manner. Accept my
assurances, ma'am, that you have my deepest sympathy.


   MISS SUSAN
Then why do you do it?


   SPICER
Because you are her aunt, ma'am. It is a scheme of mine by which I am in
hopes to soften her heart. Her affection for you, ma'am, is beautiful to
observe, and if she could be persuaded that I seek her hand from a
passionate desire to have you for my Aunt Susan--do you perceive
anything hopeful in my scheme, ma'am?


   MISS SUSAN
No, sir, I do not.

     (SPICER _wanders away gloomily, takes too much to drink, and
     ultimately becomes a general_. ENSIGN BLADES _appears, frowning,
     and_ CHARLOTTE _ventures to touch his sleeve_.)


   CHARLOTTE
Ensign Blades, I have not danced with you once this evening.


   BLADES
(_With the cold brutality of a lover to another she_) Nor I with you,
Charlotte. (_To_ SUSAN) May I solicit of you, Miss Susan, is Captain
Brown Miss Livvy's guardian; is he affianced to her?


   MISS SUSAN
No, sir.


   BLADES
Then by what right, ma'am, does he interfere? Your elegant niece had
consented to accompany me to the shrubbery--to look at the moon. And now
Captain Brown forbids it. 'Tis unendurable.


   CHARLOTTE
But you may see the moon from here, sir.


   BLADES
(_Glancing at it contemptuously_) I believe not, ma'am. (_The moon still
shines on._)


   MISS SUSAN
(_Primly_) I am happy Captain Brown forbade her.


   BLADES
Miss Susan, 'twas but because he is to conduct her to the shrubbery
himself.

     (_He flings out pettishly, and_ MISS SUSAN _looks pityingly at
     the wall-flowers_.)


   MISS SUSAN
My poor Charlotte! May I take you to some very agreeable ladies?


   CHARLOTTE
(_Tartly_) No, you may not. I am going to the shrubbery to watch Miss
Livvy.


   MISS SUSAN
Please not to do that.


   CHARLOTTE
(_Implying that_ MISS SUSAN _will be responsible for her early death_)
My chest is weak. I shall sit among the dew.


   MISS SUSAN
Charlotte, you terrify me. At least, please to put this cloak about your
shoulders. Nay, my dear, allow me.

     (_She puts a cloak around_ CHARLOTTE, _who departs vindictively
     for the shrubbery. She will not find_ LIVVY _there, however; for
     next moment_ MISS PHOEBE _darts in from the back_.)


   PHOEBE
(_In a gay whisper_) Susan, another offer--Major Linkwater--rotund man,
black whiskers, fierce expression; he has rushed away to destroy
himself.

     (_We have been unable to find any record of the Major's tragic
     end._)


   AN OLD SOLDIER
(_Looking up from a card table, whence he has heard the raging of_
BLADES) Miss Livvy, ma'am, what is this about the moon?

     (PHOEBE _smiles roguishly_.)


   PHOEBE
(_Looking about her_) I want my cloak, Aunt Susan.


   MISS SUSAN
I have just lent it to poor Charlotte Parratt.


   PHOEBE
Oh, auntie!


   OLD SOLDIER
And now Miss Livvy cannot go into the shrubbery to see the moon; and she
is so fond of the moon!

     (MISS PHOEBE _screws her nose at him merrily, and darts back to
     the dance, but she has left a defender behind her_.)


  [Illustration: _He has rushed away to destroy himself_]


   A GALLANT
(_Whose name we have not succeeded in discovering_) Am I to understand,
sir, that you are intimating disparagement of the moon? If a certain
female has been graciously pleased to signify approval of that orb, any
slight cast upon the moon, sir, I shall regard as a personal affront.


   OLD SOLDIER
Hoity-toity.

     (_But he rises, and they face each other, as_ MISS SUSAN _feels,
     for battle. She is about to rush between their undrawn swords
     when there is a commotion outside; a crowd gathers and opens to
     allow some officers to assist a fainting woman into the tent. It
     is_ MISS PHOEBE, _and_ MISS SUSAN _with a cry goes on her knees
     beside her. The tent has filled with the sympathetic and
     inquisitive, but_ CAPTAIN BROWN, _as a physician, takes command,
     and by his order they retire. He finds difficulty in bringing the
     sufferer to, and gets little help from_ MISS SUSAN, _who can only
     call upon_ MISS PHOEBE _by name_.)


  [Illustration: _Hoity-toity_]


   VALENTINE
Nay, Miss Susan, 'tis useless calling for Miss Phoebe. 'Tis my fault; I
should not have permitted Miss Livvy to dance so immoderately. Why do
they delay with the cordial?

     (_He goes to the back to close the opening, and while he is doing
     so the incomprehensible_ MISS PHOEBE _seizes the opportunity to
     sit up on her couch of chairs, waggle her finger at_ MISS SUSAN,
     _and sign darkly that she is about to make a genteel recovery_.)


  [Illustration:
  _Ensign Blades appears, frowning, and Charlotte ventures to touch
  his sleeve_]


   PHOEBE
Where am I? Is that you, Aunt Susan? What has happened?


   VALENTINE
(_Returning_) Nay, you must recline, Miss Livvy. You fainted. You have
over-fatigued yourself.


   PHOEBE
I remember.
     (BLADES _enters with the cordial_.)


   VALENTINE
You will sip this cordial.


   BLADES
By your leave, sir.

     (_He hands it to_ PHOEBE _himself_.)


   VALENTINE
She is in restored looks already, Miss Susan.


   PHOEBE
I am quite recovered. Perhaps if you were to leave me now with my
excellent aunt--


   VALENTINE
Be off with you, apple cheeks.


   BLADES
Sir, I will suffer no reference to my complexion; and, if I mistake not,
this charming lady was addressing you.


   PHOEBE
If you please, both of you. (_They retire together, and no sooner have
they gone than_ MISS PHOEBE _leaps from the couch, her eyes sparkling.
She presses the cordial on_ MISS SUSAN.) Nay, drink it, Susan. I left it
for you on purpose. I have such awful information to impart. Drink.
(MISS SUSAN _drinks tremblingly, and then the bolt is fired_.) Susan,
Miss Henrietta and Miss Fanny are here!


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe!


   PHOEBE
Suddenly my eyes lighted on them. At once I slipped to the ground.


   MISS SUSAN
You think they did not see you?


   PHOEBE
I am sure of it. They talked for a moment to Ensign Blades, and then
turned and seemed to be going towards the shrubbery.


   MISS SUSAN
He had heard that you were there with Captain Brown. He must have told
them.


   PHOEBE
I was not. But oh, sister, I am sure they suspect, else why should they
be here? They never frequent balls.


   MISS SUSAN
They have suspected for a week, ever since they saw you in your veil,
Phoebe, on the night of the first dance. How could they but suspect,
when they have visited us every day since then and we have always
pretended that Livvy was gone out.


   PHOEBE
Should they see my face it will be idle to attempt to deceive them.


   MISS SUSAN
Idle indeed; Phoebe, the scandal! You--a schoolmistress!


   PHOEBE
That is it, sister. A little happiness has gone to my head like strong
waters.

     (_She is very restless and troubled._)


   MISS SUSAN
My dear, stand still, and think.


   PHOEBE
I dare not, I cannot. Oh, Susan, if they see me we need not open school
again.


   MISS SUSAN
We shall starve.


   PHOEBE
(_Passionately_) This horrid, forward, flirting, heartless, hateful,
little toad of a Livvy.


   MISS SUSAN
Brother James's daughter, as we call her!


   PHOEBE
'Tis all James's fault.


   MISS SUSAN
Sister, when you know that James has no daughter!


   PHOEBE
If he had really had one, think you I could have been so wicked as to
personate her? Susan, I know not what I am saying, but you know who it
is that has turned me into this wild creature.


   MISS SUSAN
Oh, Valentine Brown, how could you?


   PHOEBE
To weary of Phoebe--patient, ladylike Phoebe--the Phoebe whom I have
lost--to turn from her with a 'Bah, you make me old,' and become
enamoured in a night of a thing like this!


   MISS SUSAN
Yes, yes, indeed; yet he has been kind to us also. He has been to visit
us several times.


   PHOEBE
In the hope to see her. Was he not most silent and gloomy when we said
she was gone out?


   MISS SUSAN
He is infatuate--(_She hesitates_) Sister, you are not partial to him
still?


   PHOEBE
No, Susan, no. I did love him all those years, though I never spoke of
it to you. I put hope aside at once, I folded it up and kissed it and
put it away like a pretty garment I could never wear again, but I loved
to think of him as a noble man. But he is not a noble man, and Livvy
found it out in an hour. The gallant! I flirted that I might enjoy his
fury. Susan, there has been a declaration in his eyes all to-night, and
when he cries 'Adorable Miss Livvy, be mine,' I mean to answer with an
'Oh, la, how ridiculous you are. You are much too old--I have been but
quizzing you, sir.'


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, how can you be so cruel?


   PHOEBE
Because he has taken from me the one great glory that is in a woman's
life. Not a man's love--she can do without that--but her own dear sweet
love for him. He is unworthy of my love; that is why I can be so cruel.


   MISS SUSAN
Oh, dear.


   PHOEBE
And now my triumph is to be denied me, for we must steal away home
before Henrietta and Fanny see us.


   MISS SUSAN
Yes, yes.


   PHOEBE
(_Dispirited_) And to-morrow we must say that Livvy has gone back to
her father, for I dare keep up this deception no longer. Susan, let us
go.

     (_They are going dejectedly, but are arrested by the apparition
     of_ MISS HENRIETTA _and_ MISS FANNY _peeping into the tent_.
     PHOEBE _has just time to signify to her sister that she will
     confess all and beg for mercy, when the intruders speak_.)


  [Illustration:

  MISS SUSAN
  _They have suspected for a week_]


   MISS HENRIETTA
(_Not triumphant but astounded_) You, Miss Phoebe?


   PHOEBE
(_With bowed head_) Yes.


   MISS FANNY
How amazing! You do not deny, ma'am, that you are Miss Phoebe?


   PHOEBE
(_Making confession_) Yes, Fanny, I am Miss Phoebe.

     (_To her bewilderment_ HENRIETTA _and_ FANNY _exchange ashamed
     glances_.)


   MISS HENRIETTA
Miss Phoebe, we have done you a cruel wrong.


   MISS FANNY
Phoebe, we apologise.


   MISS HENRIETTA
To think how excitedly we have been following her about in the
shrubbery.


   MISS FANNY
She is wearing your cloak.


   MISS HENRIETTA
Ensign Blades told us she was gone to the shrubbery.


   MISS FANNY
And we were convinced there was no such person.


   MISS HENRIETTA
So of course we thought it must be you.


   MISS FANNY
(_Who has looked out_) I can discern her in the shrubbery still. She is
decidedly taller than Phoebe.


   MISS HENRIETTA
I thought she looked taller, I meant to say so. Phoebe, 'twas the cloak
deceived us. We could not see her face.


   PHOEBE
(_Beginning to understand_) Cloak? You mean, Henrietta--you mean,
Fanny--


   MISS FANNY
'Twas wicked of us, my dear, but we--we thought that you and Miss Livvy
were the same person. (_They have evidently been stalking_ CHARLOTTE
_in_ MISS PHOEBE'S _cloak_. MISS SUSAN _shudders, but_ MISS PHOEBE
_utters a cry of reproach, and it is some time before they can persuade
her to forgive them. It is of course also some time before we can
forgive_ MISS PHOEBE.) Phoebe, you look so pretty. Are they paying you
no attentions, my dear?

     (PHOEBE _is unable to resist these delightful openings. The
     imploring looks_ MISS SUSAN _gives her but add to her enjoyment.
     It is as if the sense of fun she had caged a moment ago were
     broke loose again_.)


   PHOEBE
Alas, they think of none but Livvy. They come to me merely to say that
they adore her.


   MISS HENRIETTA
Surely not Captain Brown?


   PHOEBE
He is infatuate about her.


   MISS FANNY
Poor Phoebe!

     (_They make much of her, and she purrs naughtily to their
     stroking, with lightning peeps at_ MISS SUSAN. _Affronted
     Providence seeks to pay her out by sending_ ENSIGN BLADES _into
     the tent. Then the close observer may see_ MISS PHOEBE'S _heart
     sink like a bucket in a well_. MISS SUSAN _steals from the
     tent_.)


   MISS HENRIETTA
Mr. Blades, I have been saying that if I were a gentleman I would pay my
addresses to Miss Phoebe much rather than to her niece.


   BLADES
Ma'am, excuse me.


   MISS HENRIETTA
(_Indignant that_ MISS PHOEBE _should be slighted so publicly_) Sir, you
are a most ungallant and deficient young man.


   BLADES
Really, ma'am, I assure you--


   MISS HENRIETTA
Not another word, sir.


   PHOEBE
(_In her most old-maidish manner_) Miss Fanny, Miss Henrietta, it is
time I spoke plainly to this gentleman. Please leave him to me. Surely
'twill come best from me.


   MISS HENRIETTA
Indeed, yes, if it be not too painful to you.


   PHOEBE
I must do my duty.


   MISS FANNY
(_Wistfully_) If we could remain--


   PHOEBE
Would it be seemly, Miss Fanny?


   MISS HENRIETTA
Come, Fanny. (_To_ BLADES) Sir, you bring your punishment upon yourself.

     (_They press_ PHOEBE'S _hand, and go. Her heart returns to its
     usual abode_.)


   BLADES
(_Bewildered_) Are you angry with me, Miss Livvy?


   PHOEBE
Oh, no.


   BLADES
Miss Livvy, I have something to say to you of supreme importance to me.
With regard to my complexion, I am aware, Miss Livvy, that it has
retained a too youthful bloom. My brother officers comment on it with a
certain lack of generosity. (_Anxiously_) Might I inquire, ma'am,
whether you regard my complexion as a subject for light talk.


   PHOEBE
No indeed, sir, I only wish I had it.


   BLADES
(_Who has had no intention of offering, but is suddenly carried off his
feet by the excellence of the opportunity, which is no doubt responsible
for many proposals_) Miss Livvy, ma'am, you may have it.

     (_She has a great and humorous longing that she could turn before
     his affrighted eyes into the schoolmistress she really is. She
     would endure much to be able at this moment to say, 'I have
     listened to you_, ENSIGN BLADES, _with attention, but I am
     really_ MISS PHOEBE, _and I must now request you to fetch me the
     implement.' Under the shock, would he have surrendered his palm
     for punishment? It can never be known, for as she looks at him
     longingly_, LIEUTENANT SPICER _enters, and he mistakes the
     meaning of that longing look_.)


   SPICER
'Tis my dance, ma'am--'tis not Ensign Blades'.


   BLADES
Leave us, sir. We have matter of moment to discuss.


   SPICER
(_Fearing the worst_) His affection, Miss Livvy, is not so deep as mine.
He is a light and shallow nature.


   PHOEBE
Pooh! You are both light and shallow natures.


   BLADES
Both, ma'am? (_But he is not sure that he has not had a miraculous
escape_.)


   PHOEBE
(_Severely_) 'Tis such as you, with your foolish flirting ways, that
confuse the minds of women and make us try to be as silly as yourselves.


   SPICER
(_Crushed_) Ma'am.


   PHOEBE
I did not mean to hurt you. (_She takes a hand of each and tries to
advise them as if her curls were once more hidden under a cap_.) You are
so like little boys in a school. Do be good. Sit here beside me. I know
you are very brave--


   BLADES
Ha!


   PHOEBE
And when you come back from the wars it must be so delightful to you to
flirt with the ladies again.


   SPICER
Oh, ma'am.

  [Illustration:

  PHOEBE
  _As soon as you see a lady with a pretty nose you cannot help saying
  that you adore her_]


   PHOEBE
As soon as you see a lady with a pretty nose you cannot help saying that
you adore her.


   BLADES
(_In an ecstasy_) Nay, I swear.


   PHOEBE
And you offer to her, not from love, but because you are so deficient in
conversation.


   SPICER
Charming, Miss Livvy.


   PHOEBE
(_With sudden irritation_) Oh, sir, go away; go away, both of you, and
read improving books.

     (_They are cast down. She has not been quite fair to these
     gallants, for it is not really of them she has grown weary so
     much as of the lady they temporarily adore. If_ MISS PHOEBE _were
     to analyse her feelings she would find that her remark is
     addressed to_ LIVVY, _and that it means, 'I have enjoyed for a
     little pretending to be you, but I am not you and I do not wish
     to be you. Your glitter and the airs of you and the racket of you
     tire me, I want to be done with you, and to be back in quiet
     Quality Street, of which I am a part: it is really pleasant to me
     to know that I shall wake up to-morrow slightly middle-aged.'
     With the entrance of_ CAPTAIN BROWN, _however, she is at once a
     frivol again. He frowns at sight of her cavaliers_.)


   VALENTINE
Gentlemen, I instructed this lady to rest, and I am surprised to find
you in attendance. Miss Livvy, you must be weary of their fatuities, and
I have taken the liberty to order your chaise.


   PHOEBE
It is indeed a liberty.


   BLADES
An outrage.


   PHOEBE
I prefer to remain.


   VALENTINE
Nay.


   PHOEBE
I promised this dance to Ensign Blades.


   SPICER
To me, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
And the following one to Lieutenant Spicer. Mr. Blades, your arm.


   VALENTINE
I forbid any further dancing.


   PHOEBE
Forbid. La!


   BLADES
Sir, by what right--


   VALENTINE
By a right which I hope to make clear to Miss Livvy as soon as you
gentlemen have retired.

     (PHOEBE _sees that the declaration is coming. She steels
     herself_.)


   PHOEBE
I am curious to know what Captain Brown can have to say to me. In a few
minutes, Mr. Blades, Lieutenant Spicer, I shall be at your service.


   VALENTINE
I trust not.


   PHOEBE
I give them my word.

     (_The young gentlemen retire, treading air once more._ BROWN
     _surveys her rather grimly_.)


   VALENTINE
You are an amazing pretty girl, ma'am, but you are a shocking flirt.


   PHOEBE
La!


   VALENTINE
It has somewhat diverted me to watch them go down before you. But I know
you have a kind heart, and that if there be a rapier in your one hand
there is a handkerchief in the other ready to staunch their wounds.


   PHOEBE
I have not observed that they bled much.


   VALENTINE
The Blades and the like, no. But one may, perhaps.


  [Illustration: _You are a shocking flirt_]


   PHOEBE
(_Obviously the reference is to himself_) Perhaps I may wish to see him
bleed.


   VALENTINE
(_Grown stern_) For shame, Miss Livvy. (_Anger rises in her, but she
wishes him to proceed._) I speak, ma'am, in the interests of the man to
whom I hope to see you affianced.

     (_No, she does not wish him to proceed. She had esteemed him for
     so long, she cannot have him debase himself before her now._)


   PHOEBE
Shall we--I have changed my mind, I consent to go home. Please to say
nothing.


   VALENTINE
Nay--


   PHOEBE
I beg you.


   VALENTINE
No. We must have it out.


   PHOEBE
Then if you must go on, do so. But remember I begged you to desist. Who
is this happy man?

     (_His next words are a great shock to her._)


   VALENTINE
As to who he is, ma'am, of course I have no notion. Nor, I am sure, have
you, else you would be more guarded in your conduct. But some day, Miss
Livvy, the right man will come. Not to be able to tell him all, would it
not be hard? And how could you acquaint him with this poor sport? His
face would change, ma'am, as you told him of it, and yours would be a
false face until it was told. This is what I have been so desirous to
say to you--by the right of a friend.


   PHOEBE
(_In a low voice but bravely_) I see.


   VALENTINE
(_Afraid that he has hurt her_) It has been hard to say and I have done
it bunglingly. Ah, but believe me, Miss Livvy, it is not the flaunting
flower men love; it is the modest violet.


   PHOEBE
The modest violet! _You_ dare to say that.


   VALENTINE
Yes, indeed, and when you are acquaint with what love really is--


   PHOEBE
Love! What do you know of love?


   VALENTINE
(_A little complacently_) Why, ma'am, I know all about it. I am in love,
Miss Livvy.


   PHOEBE
(_With a disdainful inclination of the head_) I wish you happy.


   VALENTINE
With a lady who was once very like you, ma'am.

     (_At first_ PHOEBE _does not understand, then a suspicion of his
     meaning comes to her_.)


   PHOEBE
Not--not--oh no.


   VALENTINE
I had not meant to speak of it, but why should not I? It will be a fine
lesson to you, Miss Livvy. Ma'am, it is your Aunt Phoebe whom I love.


   PHOEBE
(_Rigid_) You do not mean that.


   VALENTINE
Most ardently.


   PHOEBE
It is not true; how dare you make sport of her.


   VALENTINE
Is it sport to wish she may be my wife?


   PHOEBE
Your wife!


   VALENTINE
If I could win her.


   PHOEBE
(_Bewildered_) May I solicit, sir, for how long you have been attached
to Miss Phoebe?


   VALENTINE
For nine years, I think.


   PHOEBE
You think!


   VALENTINE
I want to be honest. Never in all that time had I thought myself in
love. Your aunts were my dear friends, and while I was at the wars we
sometimes wrote to each other, but they were only friendly letters. I
presume the affection was too placid to be love.


   PHOEBE
I think that would be Aunt Phoebe's opinion.


   VALENTINE
Yet I remember, before we went into action for the first time--I suppose
the fear of death was upon me--some of them were making their wills--I
have no near relative--I left everything to these two ladies.


   PHOEBE
(_Softly_) Did you?

     (_What is it that_ MISS PHOEBE _begins to see as she sits there
     so quietly, with her hands pressed together as if upon some
     treasure? It is_ PHOEBE _of the ringlets with the stain taken out
     of her_.)


   VALENTINE
And when I returned a week ago and saw Miss Phoebe, grown so
tired-looking and so poor--


   PHOEBE
The shock made you feel old, I know.


   VALENTINE
No, Miss Livvy, but it filled me with a sudden passionate regret that I
had not gone down in that first engagement. They would have been very
comfortably left.


   PHOEBE
Oh, sir!


   VALENTINE
I am not calling it love.


   PHOEBE
It was sweet and kind, but it was not love.


   VALENTINE
It is love now.


   PHOEBE
No, it is only pity.


   VALENTINE
It is love.


   PHOEBE
(_She smiles tremulously_) You really mean Phoebe--tired, unattractive
Phoebe, that woman whose girlhood is gone. Nay, impossible.


   VALENTINE
(_Stoutly_) Phoebe of the fascinating playful ways, whose ringlets were
once as pretty as yours, ma'am. I have visited her in her home several
times this week--you were always out--I thank you for that! I was alone
with her, and with fragrant memories of her.


   PHOEBE
Memories! Yes, that is the Phoebe you love, the bright girl of the
past--not the schoolmistress in her old-maid's cap.


   VALENTINE
There you wrong me, for I have discovered for myself that the
schoolmistress in her old-maid's cap is the noblest Miss Phoebe of them
all. (_If only he would go away, and let_ MISS PHOEBE _cry_.) When I
enlisted, I remember I compared her to a garden. I have often thought of
that.


   PHOEBE
'Tis an old garden now.


   VALENTINE
The paths, ma'am, are better shaded.


   PHOEBE
The flowers have grown old-fashioned.


   VALENTINE
They smell the sweeter. Miss Livvy, do you think there is any hope for
me?


   PHOEBE
There was a man whom Miss Phoebe loved--long ago. He did not love her.


   VALENTINE
Now here was a fool!


   PHOEBE
He kissed her once.


   VALENTINE
If Miss Phoebe suffered him to do that she thought he loved her.


   PHOEBE
Yes, yes. (_She has to ask him the ten years old question._) Do you
opinion that this makes her action in allowing it less reprehensible? It
has been such a pain to her ever since.


   VALENTINE
How like Miss Phoebe! (_Sternly_) But that man was a knave.


   PHOEBE
No, he was a good man--only a little--inconsiderate. She knows now that
he has even forgotten that he did it. I suppose men are like that?


   VALENTINE
No, Miss Livvy, men are not like that. I am a very average man, but I
thank God I am not like that.


   PHOEBE
It was you.


   VALENTINE
(_After a pause_) Did Miss Phoebe say that?


   PHOEBE
Yes.


   VALENTINE
Then it is true.
     (_He is very grave and quiet._)


   PHOEBE
It was raining and her face was wet. You said you did it because her
face was wet.


   VALENTINE
I had quite forgotten.


   PHOEBE
But she remembers, and how often do you think the shameful memory has
made her face wet since? The face you love, Captain Brown, you were the
first to give it pain. The tired eyes--how much less tired they might be
if they had never known you. You who are torturing me with every word,
what have you done to Miss Phoebe? You who think you can bring back the
bloom to that faded garden, and all the pretty airs and graces that
fluttered round it once like little birds before the nest is torn
down--bring them back to her if you can, sir; it was you who took them
away.


   VALENTINE
I vow I shall do my best to bring them back. (MISS PHOEBE _shakes her
head_.) Miss Livvy, with your help----


   PHOEBE
My help! I have not helped. I tried to spoil it all.


   VALENTINE
(_Smiling_) To spoil it? You mean that you sought to flirt even with me.
Ah, I knew you did. But that is nothing.


   PHOEBE
Oh, sir, if you could overlook it.


   VALENTINE
I do.


   PHOEBE
And forget these hateful balls.


   VALENTINE
Hateful! Nay, I shall never call them that. They have done me too great
a service. It was at the balls that I fell in love with Miss Phoebe.


   PHOEBE
What can you mean?


   VALENTINE
She who was never at a ball! (_Checking himself humorously._) But I must
not tell you, it might hurt you.


   PHOEBE
Tell me.


   VALENTINE
(_Gaily_) Then on your own head be the blame. It is you who have made me
love her, Miss Livvy.


   PHOEBE
Sir?


   VALENTINE
Yes, it is odd, and yet very simple. You who so resembled her as she
was! for an hour, ma'am, you bewitched me; yes, I confess it, but 'twas
only for an hour. How like, I cried at first, but soon it was, how
unlike. There was almost nothing she would have said that you said; you
did so much that she would have scorned to do. But I must not say these
things to you!


   PHOEBE
I ask it of you, Captain Brown.


   VALENTINE
Well! Miss Phoebe's 'lady-likeness,' on which she set such store that I
used to make merry of the word--I gradually perceived that it is a
woman's most beautiful garment, and the casket which contains all the
adorable qualities that go to the making of a perfect female. When Miss
Livvy rolled her eyes--ah! (_He stops apologetically._)


   PHOEBE
Proceed, sir.


   VALENTINE
It but made me the more complacent that never in her life had Miss
Phoebe been guilty of the slightest deviation from the strictest
propriety. (_She shudders._) I was always conceiving her in your place.
Oh, it was monstrous unfair to you. I stood looking at you, Miss Livvy,
and seeing in my mind her and the pretty things she did, and you did not
do; why, ma'am, that is how I fell in love with Miss Phoebe at the
balls.


   PHOEBE
I thank you.


   VALENTINE
Ma'am, tell me, do you think there is any hope for me?


   PHOEBE
Hope!


   VALENTINE
I shall go to her. 'Miss Phoebe,' I will say--oh, ma'am, so
reverently--'Miss Phoebe, my beautiful, most estimable of women, let me
take care of you for ever more.'

     (MISS PHOEBE _presses the words to her heart and then drops
     them_.)


   PHOEBE
Beautiful. La, Aunt Phoebe!


   VALENTINE
Ah, ma'am, you may laugh at a rough soldier so much enamoured, but 'tis
true. 'Marry me, Miss Phoebe,' I will say, 'and I will take you back
through those years of hardships that have made your sweet eyes too
patient. Instead of growing older you shall grow younger. We will travel
back together to pick up the many little joys and pleasures you had to
pass by when you trod that thorny path alone.'


   PHOEBE
Can't be--can't be.


   VALENTINE
Nay, Miss Phoebe has loved me. 'Tis you have said it.


   PHOEBE
I did not mean to tell you.


   VALENTINE
She will be my wife yet.


   PHOEBE
Never.


   VALENTINE
You are severe, Miss Livvy. But it is because you are partial to her,
and I am happy of that.


   PHOEBE
(_In growing horror of herself_) I partial to her! I am laughing at both
of you. Miss Phoebe. La, that old thing.


  VALENTINE
(_Sternly_) Silence!


   PHOEBE
I hate her and despise her. If you knew what she is----

     (_He stops her with a gesture._)


   VALENTINE
I know what you are.


   PHOEBE
That paragon who has never been guilty of the slightest deviation from
the strictest propriety.


   VALENTINE
Never.


   PHOEBE
That garden--


   VALENTINE
Miss Livvy, for shame.


   PHOEBE
Your garden has been destroyed, sir; the weeds have entered it, and all
the flowers are choked.


   VALENTINE
You false woman, what do you mean?


   PHOEBE
I will tell you. (_But his confidence awes her._) What faith you have in
her.


   VALENTINE
As in my God. Speak.


   PHOEBE
I cannot tell you.


   VALENTINE
No, you cannot.


   PHOEBE
It is too horrible.


   VALENTINE
You are too horrible. Is not that it?


   PHOEBE
Yes, that is it.
     (MISS SUSAN _has entered and caught the last words_.)


   MISS SUSAN
(_Shrinking as from a coming blow_) What is too horrible?


   VALENTINE
Ma'am, I leave the telling of it to her, if she dare. And I devoutly
hope those are the last words I shall ever address to this lady.

     (_He bows and goes out in dudgeon._ MISS SUSAN _believes all is
     discovered and that_ MISS PHOEBE _is for ever shamed_.)


   MISS SUSAN
(_Taking_ PHOEBE _in her arms_) My love, my dear, what terrible thing
has he said to you?


   PHOEBE
(_Forgetting everything but that she is loved_) Not terrible--glorious!
Susan, 'tis Phoebe he loves, 'tis me, not Livvy! He loves me, he loves
me! Me--Phoebe!

     (MISS SUSAN'S _bosom swells. It is her great hour as much as_
     PHOEBE'S.)

_End of Act III._




_Act IV_

THE BLUE AND WHITE ROOM


_If we could shut our eyes to the two sisters sitting here in woe, this
would be, to the male eye at least, the identical blue and white room of
ten years ago; the same sun shining into it and playing familiarly with
Miss Susan's treasures. But the ladies are changed. It is not merely
that Miss Phoebe has again donned her schoolmistress's gown and hidden
her curls under the cap. To see her thus once more, her real self, after
the escapade of the ball, is not unpleasant, and the cap and gown do
not ill become the quiet room. But she now turns guiltily from the sun
that used to be her intimate, her face is drawn, her form condensed
into the smallest space, and her hands lie trembling in her lap. It is
disquieting to note that any life there is in the room comes not from
her but from Miss Susan. If the house were to go on fire now it would be
she who would have to carry out Miss Phoebe._

_Whatever of import has happened since the ball, Patty knows it, and is
enjoying it. We see this as she ushers in Miss Willoughby. Note also,
with concern, that at mention of the visitor's name the eyes of the
sisters turn affrightedly, not to the door by which their old friend
enters, but to the closed door of the spare bed-chamber. Patty also
gives it a meaning glance; then the three look at each other, and two of
them blanch._


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_The fourth to look at the door_) I am just run across, Susan, to
inquire how Miss Livvy does now.


   MISS SUSAN
She is still very poorly, Mary.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
I am so unhappy of that. I conceive it to be a nervous disorder?


   MISS SUSAN
(_Almost too glibly_) Accompanied by trembling, flutterings, and spasms.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
The excitements of the ball. You have summoned the apothecary at last, I
trust, Phoebe?

     (MISS PHOEBE, _once so ready of defence, can say nothing_.)


   MISS SUSAN
(_To the rescue_) It is Livvy's own wish that he should not be
consulted.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_Looking longingly at the door_) May I go in to see her?


   MISS SUSAN
I fear not, Mary. She is almost asleep, and it is best not to disturb
her. (_Peeping into the bedroom_) Lie quite still, Livvy, my love, quite
still.

     (_Somehow this makes_ PATTY _smile so broadly that she finds it
     advisable to retire_. MISS WILLOUGHBY _sighs, and produces a
     small bowl from the folds of her cloak_.)


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
This is a little arrowroot, of which I hope Miss Livvy will be so
obliging as to partake.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Taking the bowl_) I thank you, Mary.


   PHOEBE
(_Ashamed_) Susan, we ought not----


   MISS SUSAN
(_Shameless_) I will take it to her while it is still warm.

     (_She goes into the bedroom._ MISS WILLOUGHBY _gazes at_ MISS
     PHOEBE, _who certainly shrinks. It has not escaped the notice of
     the visitor that_ MISS PHOEBE _has become the more timid of the
     sisters, and she has evolved an explanation_.)


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
Phoebe, has Captain Brown been apprised of Miss Livvy's illness?


   PHOEBE
(_Uncomfortably_) I think not, Miss Willoughby.


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_Sorry for_ PHOEBE, _and speaking very kindly_) Is this right, Phoebe?
You informed Fanny and Henrietta at the ball of his partiality for
Livvy. My dear, it is hard for you, but have you any right to keep them
apart?


   PHOEBE
(_Discovering only now what are the suspicions of her friends_) Is that
what you think I am doing, Miss Willoughby?


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
Such a mysterious illness. (_Sweetly_) Long ago, Phoebe, I once caused
much unhappiness through foolish jealousy. That is why I venture to hope
that you will not be as I was, my dear.


   PHOEBE
I jealous of Livvy!


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_With a sigh_) I thought as little of the lady I refer to, but he
thought otherwise.


   PHOEBE
Indeed, Miss Willoughby, you wrong me.

     (_But_ MISS WILLOUGHBY _does not entirely believe her, and there
     is a pause, so long a pause that unfortunately_ MISS SUSAN
     _thinks she has left the house_.)


   MISS SUSAN
(_Peeping in_) Is she gone?


   MISS WILLOUGHBY
(_Hurt_) No, Susan, but I am going.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Distressed_) Mary!

     (_She follows her out, but_ MISS WILLOUGHBY _will not be
     comforted, and there is a coldness between them for the rest of
     the day_. MISS SUSAN _is not so abashed as she ought to be. She
     returns, and partakes with avidity of the arrowroot._)


  [Illustration: _They are always watching_]


  [Illustration:

  VALENTINE
  _I regret that they are out, Patty, but I will await their return_]


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, I am well aware that this is wrong of me, but Mary's arrowroot
is so delicious. The ladies'-fingers and petticoat-tails those officers
sent to Livvy, I ate them also! (_Once on a time this would have amused_
MISS PHOEBE, _but her sense of humour has gone. She is crying._) Phoebe,
if you have such remorse you will weep yourself to death.


    PHOEBE
Oh, sister, were it not for you, how gladly would I go into a decline.


   MISS SUSAN
(_After she has soothed_ PHOEBE _a little_) My dear, what is to be done
about her? We cannot have her supposed to be here for ever.


   PHOEBE
We had to pretend that she was ill to keep her out of sight; and now we
cannot say she has gone away, for the Miss Willoughbys' windows command
our door, and they are always watching.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Peeping from the window_) I see Fanny watching now. I feel, Phoebe, as
if Livvy really existed.


   PHOEBE
(_Mournfully_) We shall never be able to esteem ourselves again.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Who has in her the makings of a desperate criminal_) Phoebe, why not
marry him? If only we could make him think that Livvy had gone home.
Then he need never know.


   PHOEBE
Susan, you pain me. She who marries without telling all--hers must ever
be a false face. They are his own words.

     (PATTY _enters importantly_.)


   PATTY
Captain Brown.


   PHOEBE
(_Starting up_) I wrote to him, begging him not to come.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Quickly_) Patty, I am sorry we are out.

     (_But_ VALENTINE _has entered in time to hear her words_.)


   VALENTINE
(_Not unmindful that this is the room in which he is esteemed a wit_) I
regret that they are out, Patty, but I will await their return. (_The
astonishing man sits on the ottoman beside_ MISS SUSAN, _but politely
ignores her presence_.) It is not my wish to detain you, Patty.

     (PATTY _goes reluctantly, and the sisters think how like him, and
     how delightful it would be if they were still the patterns of
     propriety he considers them_.)


   PHOEBE
(_Bravely_) Captain Brown.


   VALENTINE
(_Rising_) You, Miss Phoebe. I hear Miss Livvy is indisposed?


   PHOEBE
She is--very poorly.


   VALENTINE
But it is not that unpleasant girl I have come to see, it is you.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Meekly_) How do you do?


   VALENTINE
(_Ignoring her_) And I am happy, Miss Phoebe, to find you alone.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Appealingly_) How do you do, sir?


   PHOEBE
You know quite well, sir, that Susan is here.


   VALENTINE
Nay, ma'am, excuse me. I heard Miss Susan say she was gone out. Miss
Susan is incapable of prevarication.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Rising--helpless_) What am I to do?


   PHOEBE
Don't go, Susan--'tis what he wants.


   VALENTINE
I have her word that she is not present.


   MISS SUSAN
Oh dear.


   VALENTINE
My faith in Miss Susan is absolute. (_At this she retires into the
bedroom, and immediately his manner changes. He takes_ MISS PHOEBE'S
_hands into his own kind ones_.) You coward, Miss Phoebe, to be afraid
of Valentine Brown.


   PHOEBE
I wrote and begged you not to come.


   VALENTINE
You implied as a lover, Miss Phoebe, but surely always as a friend.


   PHOEBE
Oh yes, yes.


   VALENTINE
You told Miss Livvy that you loved me once. How carefully you hid it
from me!


   PHOEBE
(_More firmly_) A woman must never tell. You went away to the great
battles. I was left to fight in a little one. Women have a flag to fly,
Mr. Brown, as well as men, and old maids have a flag as well as women. I
tried to keep mine flying.


   VALENTINE
But you ceased to care for me. (_Tenderly_) I dare ask your love no
more, but I still ask you to put yourself into my keeping. Miss Phoebe,
let me take care of you.


   PHOEBE
It cannot be.


   VALENTINE
This weary teaching! Let me close your school.


   PHOEBE
Please, sir.


   VALENTINE
If not for your own sake, I ask you, Miss Phoebe, to do it for mine. In
memory of the thoughtless recruit who went off laughing to the wars.
They say ladies cannot quite forget the man who has used them ill; Miss
Phoebe, do it for me because I used you ill.


   PHOEBE
I beg you--no more.


   VALENTINE
(_Manfully_) There, it is all ended. Miss Phoebe, here is my hand on it.


   PHOEBE
What will you do now?


   VALENTINE
I also must work. I will become a physician again, with some drab old
housekeeper to neglect me and the house. Do you foresee the cobwebs
gathering and gathering, Miss Phoebe?


   PHOEBE
Oh, sir!


   VALENTINE
You shall yet see me in Quality Street, wearing my stock all awry.


   PHOEBE
Oh, oh!


   VALENTINE
And with snuff upon my sleeve.


    PHOEBE
Sir, sir!


   VALENTINE
No skulker, ma'am, I hope, but gradually turning into a grumpy, crusty,
bottle-nosed old bachelor.


   PHOEBE
Oh, Mr. Brown!


   VALENTINE
And all because you will not walk across the street with me.


   PHOEBE
Indeed, sir, you must marry--and I hope it may be some one who is really
like a garden.


   VALENTINE
I know but one. That reminds me, Miss Phoebe, of something I had forgot.
(_He produces a paper from his pocket._) 'Tis a trifle I have wrote
about you. But I fear to trouble you.

     (PHOEBE'S _hands go out longingly for it_.)


  [Illustration:
  _Miss Henrietta and Miss Fanny, encouraged by his sympathy,
  draw nearer the door of the interesting bed chamber_]


   PHOEBE
(_Reading_) 'Lines to a Certain Lady, who is Modestly unaware of her
Resemblance to a Garden. Wrote by her servant, V. B.'

     (_The beauty of this makes her falter. She looks up._)


   VALENTINE
(_With a poet's pride_) There is more of it, ma'am.


   PHOEBE
(_Reading_)

  The lilies are her pretty thoughts,
    Her shoulders are the may,
  Her smiles are all forget-me-nots,
    The path's her gracious way,
  The roses that do line it are
    Her fancies walking round,
  'Tis sweetly smelling lavender
    In which my lady's gowned.

     (MISS PHOEBE _has thought herself strong, but she is not able to
     read such exquisite lines without betraying herself to a lover's
     gaze_.)


   VALENTINE
(_Excitedly_) Miss Phoebe, when did you cease to care for me?


   PHOEBE
(_Retreating from him but clinging to her poem_) You promised not to
ask.


   VALENTINE
I know not why you should, Miss Phoebe, but I believe you love me still!

     (MISS PHOEBE _has the terrified appearance of a detected felon_.)

                                                 (MISS SUSAN _returns_.)


   MISS SUSAN
You are talking so loudly.


   VALENTINE
Miss Susan, does she care for me still?


   MISS SUSAN
(_Forgetting her pride of sex_) Oh, sir, how could she help it.


   VALENTINE
Then by Gad, Miss Phoebe, you shall marry me though I have to carry you
in my arms to the church.


   PHOEBE
Sir, how can you!

     (_But_ MISS SUSAN _gives her a look which means that it must be
     done if only to avoid such a scandal. It is at this inopportune
     moment that_ MISS HENRIETTA _and_ MISS FANNY _are announced_.)


   MISS HENRIETTA
I think Miss Willoughby has already popped in.


   PHOEBE
(_With a little spirit_) Yes, indeed.


   MISS SUSAN
(_A mistress of sarcasm_) How is Mary, Fanny? She has not been to see us
for several minutes.


   MISS FANNY
(_Somewhat daunted_) Mary is so partial to you, Susan.


   VALENTINE
Your servant, Miss Henrietta, Miss Fanny.


   MISS FANNY
How do you do, sir?


   MISS HENRIETTA
(_Wistfully_) And how do you find Miss Livvy, sir?


   VALENTINE
I have not seen her, Miss Henrietta.


   MISS HENRIETTA
Indeed!


   MISS FANNY
Not even you?


   VALENTINE
You seem surprised?


   MISS FANNY
Nay, sir, you must not say so; but really, Phoebe!


   PHOEBE
Fanny, you presume!


   VALENTINE
(_Puzzled_) If one of you ladies would deign to enlighten me. To begin
with, what is Miss Livvy's malady?


   MISS HENRIETTA
He does not know? Oh, Phoebe.


   VALENTINE
Ladies, have pity on a dull man, and explain.


   MISS FANNY
(_Timidly_) Please not to ask us to explain. I fear we have already said
more than was proper. Phoebe, forgive.

     (_To_ CAPTAIN BROWN _this but adds to the mystery, and he looks
     to_ PHOEBE _for enlightenment_.)


   PHOEBE
(_Desperate_) I understand, sir, there is a belief that I keep Livvy in
confinement because of your passion for her.


   VALENTINE
My passion for Miss Livvy? Why, Miss Fanny, I cannot abide her--nor she
me. (_Looking manfully at_ MISS PHOEBE.) Furthermore, I am proud to tell
you that this is the lady whom I adore.


   MISS FANNY
Phoebe?


   VALENTINE
Yes, ma'am.

     (_The ladies are for a moment bereft of speech, and the uplifted_
     PHOEBE _cannot refrain from a movement which, if completed, would
     be a curtsey. Her punishment follows promptly._)


   MISS HENRIETTA
(_From her heart_) Phoebe, I am so happy 'tis you.


   MISS FANNY
Dear Phoebe, I give you joy. And you also, sir. (MISS PHOEBE _sends her
sister a glance of unutterable woe, and escapes from the room. It is
most ill-bred of her._) Miss Susan, I do not understand!


   MISS HENRIETTA
Is it that Miss Livvy is an obstacle?


   MISS SUSAN
(_Who knows that there is no hope for her but in flight_) I think I hear
Phoebe calling me--a sudden indisposition. Pray excuse me, Henrietta.
(_She goes._)


   MISS HENRIETTA
We know not, sir, whether to offer you our felicitations?


   VALENTINE
(_Cogitating_) May I ask, ma'am, what you mean by an obstacle? Is there
some mystery about Miss Livvy?


   MISS HENRIETTA
So much so, sir, that we at one time thought she and Miss Phoebe were
the same person.


   VALENTINE
Pshaw!


   MISS FANNY
Why will they admit no physician into her presence?


   MISS HENRIETTA
The blinds of her room are kept most artfully drawn.


   MISS FANNY
(_Plaintively_) We have never seen her, sir. Neither Miss Susan nor Miss
Phoebe will present her to us.


   VALENTINE
(_Impressed_) Indeed.

     (MISS HENRIETTA _and_ MISS FANNY, _encouraged by his sympathy,
     draw nearer the door of the interesting bed-chamber. They falter.
     Any one who thinks, however, that they would so far forget
     themselves as to open the door and peep in, has no understanding
     of the ladies of Quality Street. They are, nevertheless, not
     perfect, for_ MISS HENRIETTA _knocks on the door_.)


   MISS HENRIETTA
How do you find yourself, dear Miss Livvy?

     (_There is no answer. It is our pride to record that they come
     away without even touching the handle. They look appealing at_
     CAPTAIN BROWN, _whose face has grown grave_.)


   VALENTINE
I think, ladies, as a physician--

     (_He walks into the bedroom. They feel an ignoble drawing to
     follow him, but do not yield to it. When he returns his face is
     inscrutable._)


  [Illustration:

  VALENTINE
  _She will recover_]


   MISS HENRIETTA
Is she very poorly, sir?


   VALENTINE
Ha.


   MISS FANNY
We did not hear you address her.


   VALENTINE
She is not awake, ma'am.


   MISS HENRIETTA
It is provoking.


   MISS FANNY
(_Sternly just_) They informed Mary that she was nigh asleep.


   VALENTINE
It is not a serious illness I think, ma'am. With the permission of Miss
Phoebe and Miss Susan I will make myself more acquaint with her disorder
presently. (_He is desirous to be alone._) But we must not talk lest we
disturb her.


   MISS FANNY
You suggest our retiring, sir?


   VALENTINE
Nay, Miss Fanny--


   MISS FANNY
You are very obliging; but I think, Henrietta--


   MISS HENRIETTA
(_Rising_) Yes, Fanny.

     (_No doubt they are the more ready to depart that they wish to
     inform_ MISS WILLOUGHBY _at once of these strange doings. As they
     go_, MISS SUSAN _and_ MISS PHOEBE _return, and the adieux are
     less elaborate than usual. Neither visitors nor hostesses quite
     know what to say._ MISS SUSAN _is merely relieved to see them
     leave, but_ MISS PHOEBE _has read something in their manner that
     makes her uneasy_.)


   PHOEBE
Why have they departed so hurriedly, sir? They--they did not go in to
see Livvy?


   VALENTINE
No. (_She reads danger in his face._)


   PHOEBE
Why do you look at me so strangely?


   VALENTINE
(_Somewhat stern_) Miss Phoebe, I desire to see Miss Livvy.


   PHOEBE
Impossible.


   VALENTINE
Why impossible? They tell me strange stories about no one's seeing her.
Miss Phoebe, I will not leave this house until I have seen her.


   PHOEBE
You cannot. (_But he is very determined, and she is afraid of him._)
Will you excuse me, sir, while I talk with Susan behind the door?

     (_The sisters go guiltily into the bedroom, and_ CAPTAIN BROWN
     _after some hesitation rings for_ PATTY.)


   VALENTINE
Patty, come here. Why is this trick being played upon me?


   PATTY
(_With all her wits about her_) Trick, sir! Who would dare?


   VALENTINE
I know, Patty, that Miss Phoebe has been Miss Livvy all the time.


   PATTY
I give in!


   VALENTINE
Why has she done this?


   PATTY
(_Beseechingly_) Are you laughing, sir?


   VALENTINE
I am very far from laughing.


   PATTY
(_Turning on him_) 'Twas you that began it, all by not knowing her in
the white gown.


   VALENTINE
Why has this deception been kept up so long?


   PATTY
Because you would not see through it. Oh, the wicked denseness. She
thought you were infatuate with Miss Livvy because she was young and
silly.


   VALENTINE
It is infamous.


   PATTY
I will not have you call her names. 'Twas all playful innocence at
first, and now she is so feared of you she is weeping her soul to death,
and all I do I cannot rouse her. 'I ha' a follower in the kitchen,
ma'am,' says I, to infuriate her. 'Give him a glass of cowslip wine,'
says she, like a gentle lamb. And ill she can afford it, you having lost
their money for them.


   VALENTINE
What is that? On the contrary, all the money they have, Patty, they owe
to my having invested it for them.


   PATTY
That is the money they lost.


   VALENTINE
You are sure of that?


   PATTY
I can swear to it.


   VALENTINE
Deceived me about that also. Good God; but why?


   PATTY
I think she was feared you would offer to her out of pity. She said
something to Miss Susan about keeping a flag flying. What she meant I
know not. (_But he knows, and he turns away his face._) Are you
laughing, sir?


   VALENTINE
No, Patty, I am not laughing. Why do they not say Miss Livvy has gone
home? It would save them a world of trouble.


   PATTY
The Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta--they watch the house all day.
They would say she cannot be gone, for we did not see her go.


   VALENTINE
(_Enlightened at last_) I see!


   PATTY
And Miss Phoebe and Miss Susan wring their hands, for they are feared
Miss Livvy is bedridden here for all time. (_Now his sense of humour
asserts itself._) Thank the Lord, you're laughing!

     (_At this he laughs the more, and it is a gay_ CAPTAIN BROWN _on
     whom_ MISS SUSAN _opens the bedroom door. This desperate woman is
     too full of plot to note the change in him._)


   MISS SUSAN
I am happy to inform you, sir, that Livvy finds herself much improved.


   VALENTINE
(_Bowing_) It is joy to me to hear it.


   MISS SUSAN
She is coming in to see you.


   PATTY
(_Aghast_) Oh, ma'am!


   VALENTINE
(_Frowning on_ PATTY) I shall be happy to see the poor invalid.


   PATTY
Ma'am--!

     (_But_ MISS SUSAN, _believing that so far all is well, has
     returned to the bed-chamber_. CAPTAIN BROWN _bestows a quizzical
     glance upon the maid_.)


   VALENTINE
Go away, Patty. Anon I may claim a service of you, but for the present,
go.


   PATTY
But--but--


   VALENTINE
Retire, woman.

     (_She has to go, and he prepares his face for the reception of
     the invalid._ PHOEBE _comes in without her cap, the ringlets
     showing again. She wears a dressing jacket and is supported by_
     MISS SUSAN.)


   VALENTINE
(_Gravely_) Your servant, Miss Livvy.


   PHOEBE
(_Weakly_) How do you do?


 [Illustration: _Patty has to go_]


   VALENTINE
Allow me, Miss Susan.

     (_He takes_ MISS SUSAN'S _place; but after an exquisite moment_
     MISS PHOEBE _breaks away from him, feeling that she is not worthy
     of such bliss_.)


   PHOEBE
No, no, I--I can walk alone--see.

     (_She reclines upon the couch._)


   MISS SUSAN
How do you think she is looking?

     (_He makes a professional examination of the patient, and they
     are very ashamed to deceive him, but not so ashamed that they
     must confess._)

What do you think?


   VALENTINE
(_Solemnly_) She will recover. May I say, ma'am, it surprises me that
any one should see much resemblance between you and your Aunt Phoebe.
Miss Phoebe is decidedly shorter and more thick-set.


   PHOEBE
(_Sitting up_) No, I am not.


   VALENTINE
I said Miss Phoebe, ma'am. (_She reclines._) But tell me, is not Miss
Phoebe to join us?


   PHOEBE
She hopes you will excuse her, sir.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Vaguely_) Taking the opportunity of airing the room.


   VALENTINE
Ah, of course.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Opening bedroom door and calling mendaciously_) Captain Brown will
excuse you, Phoebe.


   VALENTINE
Certainly, Miss Susan. Well, ma'am, I think I could cure Miss Livvy if
she is put unreservedly into my hands.


   MISS SUSAN
(_With a sigh_) I am sure you could.


   VALENTINE
Then you are my patient, Miss Livvy.


   PHOEBE
(_Nervously_) 'Twas but a passing indisposition, I am almost quite
recovered.


   VALENTINE
Nay, you still require attention. Do you propose making a long stay in
Quality Street, ma'am?


   PHOEBE
I--I--I hope not. It--it depends.


   MISS SUSAN
(_Forgetting herself_) Mary is the worst.


   VALENTINE
I ask your pardon?


   PHOEBE
Aunt Susan, you are excited.


   VALENTINE
But you are quite right, Miss Livvy; home is the place for you.


   PHOEBE
Would that I could go!


   VALENTINE
You are going.


   PHOEBE
Yes--soon.


   VALENTINE
Indeed, I have a delightful surprise for you, Miss Livvy, you are going
to-day.


   PHOEBE
To-day?


   VALENTINE
Not merely to-day, but now. As it happens, my carriage is standing idle
at your door, and I am to take you in it to your home--some twenty miles
if I remember.


   PHOEBE
You are to take me?


   VALENTINE
Nay, 'tis no trouble at all, and as your physician my mind is made up.
Some wraps for her, Miss Susan.


   MISS SUSAN
But--but--


   PHOEBE
(_In a panic_) Sir, I decline to go.


   VALENTINE
Come, Miss Livvy, you are in my hands.


   PHOEBE
I decline. I am most determined.


   VALENTINE
You admit yourself that you are recovered.


   PHOEBE
I do not feel so well now. Aunt Susan!


   MISS SUSAN
Sir----


   VALENTINE
If you wish to consult Miss Phoebe----


   MISS SUSAN
Oh, no.


   VALENTINE
Then the wraps, Miss Susan.


   PHOEBE
Auntie, don't leave me.


   VALENTINE
What a refractory patient it is. But reason with her, Miss Susan, and I
shall ask Miss Phoebe for some wraps.


   PHOEBE
Sir!

     (_To their consternation he goes cheerily into the bedroom._ MISS
     PHOEBE _saves herself by instant flight, and nothing but mesmeric
     influence keeps_ MISS SUSAN _rooted to the blue and white room.
     When he returns he is loaded with wraps, and still cheerfully
     animated, as if he had found nothing untoward in_ LIVVY'S
     _bed-chamber_.)


   VALENTINE
I think these will do admirably, Miss Susan.


   MISS SUSAN
But Phoebe----


   VALENTINE
If I swathe Miss Livvy in these----


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe----


   VALENTINE
She is still busy airing the room. (_The extraordinary man goes to the
couch as if unable to perceive that its late occupant has gone, and_
MISS SUSAN _watches him, fascinated_.) Come, Miss Livvy, put these over
you. Allow me--this one over your shoulders, so. Be so obliging as to
lean on me. Be brave, ma'am, you cannot fall--my arm is round you;
gently, gently, Miss Livvy; ah, that is better; we are doing famously;
come, come. Good-bye, Miss Susan, I will take every care of her.

     (_He has gone, with the bundle on his arm, but_ MISS SUSAN _does
     not wake up. Even the banging of the outer door is unable to
     rouse her. It is heard, however, by_ MISS PHOEBE, _who steals
     back into the room, her cap upon her head to give her courage_.)


   PHOEBE
He is gone! (MISS SUSAN'S _wrapt face alarms her_.) Oh, Susan, was he as
dreadful as that?


   MISS SUSAN
(_In tones unnatural to her_) Phoebe, he knows all.


   PHOEBE
Yes, of course he knows all now. Sister, did his face change? Oh, Susan,
what did he say?


   MISS SUSAN
He said 'Good-bye, Miss Susan.' That was almost all he said.


   PHOEBE
Did his eyes flash fire?


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, it was what he did. He--he took Livvy with him.


   PHOEBE
Susan, dear, don't say that. You are not distraught, are you?


   MISS SUSAN
(_Clinging to facts_) He did; he wrapped her up in a shawl.


   PHOEBE
Susan! You are Susan Throssel, my love. You remember me, don't you?
Phoebe, your sister. I was Livvy also, you know, Livvy.


   MISS SUSAN
He took Livvy with him.


   PHOEBE
(_In woe_) Oh, oh! sister, who am I?


   MISS SUSAN
You are Phoebe.


   PHOEBE
And who was Livvy?


   MISS SUSAN
You were.


   PHOEBE
Thank heaven.


   MISS SUSAN
But he took her away in the carriage.


   PHOEBE
Oh, dear! (_She has quite forgotten her own troubles now._) Susan, you
will soon be well again. Dear, let us occupy our minds. Shall we draw up
the advertisement for the re-opening of the school?


   MISS SUSAN
I do so hate the school.


   PHOEBE
Come, dear, come, sit down. Write, Susan. (_Dictating_) 'The Misses
Throssel have the pleasure to announce----'


   MISS SUSAN
Pleasure! Oh, Phoebe.


   PHOEBE
'That they will resume school on the 5th of next month. Music,
embroidery, the back-board, and all the elegancies of the mind.
Latin--shall we say algebra?'


   MISS SUSAN
I refuse to write algebra.


   PHOEBE
--for beginners.


   MISS SUSAN
I refuse. There is only one thing I can write; it writes itself in my
head all day. 'Miss Susan Throssel presents her compliments to the
Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta Turnbull, and requests the honour
of their presence at the nuptials of her sister Phoebe and Captain
Valentine Brown.'


   PHOEBE
Susan!


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe! (_A door is heard banging._) He has returned!


   PHOEBE
Oh cruel, cruel. Susan, I am so alarmed.


   MISS SUSAN
I will face him.


   PHOEBE
Nay, if it must be, I will.
     (_But when he enters he is not very terrible._)


   VALENTINE
Miss Phoebe, it is not raining, but your face is wet. I wish always to
kiss you when your face is wet.


   PHOEBE
Susan!


   VALENTINE
Miss Livvy will never trouble you any more, Miss Susan. I have sent her
home.


   MISS SUSAN
Oh, sir, how can you invent such a story for us.


   VALENTINE
I did not. I invented it for the Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta,
who from their windows watched me put her into my carriage. Patty
accompanies her, and in a few hours Patty will return alone.


   MISS SUSAN
Phoebe, he has got rid of Livvy!


   PHOEBE
Susan, his face hasn't changed!


   VALENTINE
Dear Phoebe Throssel, will you be Phoebe Brown?


   PHOEBE
(_Quivering_) You know everything? And that I am not a garden?


   VALENTINE
I know everything, ma'am--except that.


   PHOEBE
(_So very glad to be prim at the end_) Sir, the dictates of my heart
enjoin me to accept your too flattering offer. (_He puts her cap in his
pocket. He kisses her._ MISS SUSAN _is about to steal away_.) Oh, sir,
Susan also. (_He kisses_ MISS SUSAN _also; and here we bid them
good-bye_.)


_The End._




[End of _Quality Street_ by J. M. Barrie]
