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Title: Pictures by Phil May
Author: May, Phil [May, Philip William] (1864-1903)
Editor: Anonymous
Date of first publication: May 1907
Edition used as base for this ebook:
   London and Glasgow: Gowans & Gray,
   January 1908 (third printing)
Date first posted: 7 February 2009
Date last updated: 7 February 2009
Project Gutenberg Canada ebook #256

This ebook was produced by: David Edwards, Rnald Lvesque
& the Online Distributed Proofreading Team
at http://www.pgdpcanada.net

This file was produced from images generously made available
by The Internet Archive/American Libraries








HUMOROUS MASTERPIECES, NO. 5



PICTURES BY PHIL MAY



Printed by Robert MacLehose and Co. Ltd. Glasgow.



COSTERS AND COCKNEYS



[Illustration: 'APPY 'AMPSTEAD.

"Ere y'are, Lidies' Tormentors. 'Two' a penny!"]









PICTURES

BY

PHIL MAY





GOWANS & GRAY, Ltd.

5 ROBERT STREET, ADELPHI, LONDON, W. C.

58 Cadogan Street, Glasgow



1908



_First Edition, May, 1907._



_Reprinted, June, 1907, January, 1908

(completing 16,000)._



_The Publishers take this opportunity of thanking Messrs. W. Thacker &

Co. for the readiness with which they accorded permission for the

reproduction of the drawings contained in this little book. They believe

that these examples of Phil May's work show that inimitable artist at

his best._









[Illustration: "I 'ear as you don't walk hout with 'Arry Smith any more."

"No, 'e wanted me to meet 'im incandescently, and I wouldn't do such

a thing, so I chucked 'im."]



[Illustration: _'Arriet._--"Ow! I s'y, look at 'is bloomin' 'At."]



[Illustration: "Wot's th' row up the Court, Bill?"

"Bob Smith was kissing my missus, and 'is old woman caught 'im."]



[Illustration: One Easter Monday.

_'Arriet (watching the funeral of 'Liza)._--"Nice sort of a Bank 'Oliday

for 'er, poor dear."]



[Illustration: "What price this for Margit."]



[Illustration: _Fat Party (after a war of words)._--"If you come down our

court to-morrer and bring a bit o' fat with yer, I'll bloomin' well eat

yer."]



[Illustration: "Ow I s'y, look at 'er frills. Got 'erself hup like a

bloomin' 'am bone!"]



[Illustration: "Do you want a Muddle, Sir."]



[Illustration: _First R.A. (who hates to be interrupted in his hobby,

but is doing his best to be polite)._--"Done any work to-day?"

_Second R.A._--"No, confound it. That stupid ass Brown came to

the studio and talked all the afternoon,--couldn't do a stroke of

work. What do _you_ do when some idiot comes and interrupts your

work?"

_First R.A._--"Oh, I go on weeding."]



[Illustration: "Come and 'ave a Cup of Tea, Mrs. Malony, it's the

hanniversary of my Weddin' Day. I'm sorry my old man won't be there,

'cos e's just got a Month for knocking me about."]



[Illustration: Fraternity.

"(Hic) Can't help you, ole f'la, but I'll sit down with you (hic)."]



[Illustration: "Mos' 'tronary thing! a'most shertain th'was shome Coffee

in it."]



[Illustration: VIRGIN VINEGAR]



[Illustration]



[Illustration: It must have been Awful.

_Mrs. Baggs (after receiving tornado of abuse from over the road)._--"Well,

I never 'eard sich Langwidge in all my life. I never was called s'ch Names

before. Even my own 'usband doesn't call me sich Names."]



[Illustration: "By the way, when does your American Tour come off?"

"Oh, not for about a Year."

"Well, let's go in here and have a Drink before you go."]



[Illustration: _Urchin (to companion over the way)._--"Ow would _that_

suit yer, Bill?"]



[Illustration: "Did you go to Smith's burying?"

"Yes, I _did_, an' a measly affair it was. _Tea_ and Bread and Butter!

I've buried two 'usbands, but, thank goodness, I buried 'em both

with Seedy Cake an' 'Am Sandwiches."]



[Illustration: "I want you to take me to St. John's Wood, Cabbie."

"All right, sir, but would you mind getting in on the other side so as

the old horse don't see yer."]



[Illustration: "I don't so much mind your sneaking my Pewters, but when

it comes to bringing 'em back in the shape of 'arf crowns it's a bit too

much."]



[Illustration: _Bill Snooks (reading from a fashion paper)._--"To be

really well dressed a man's clothes should have the appearance of having

been worn once or twice.' What _O_!"]



[Illustration]



[Illustration: "What's 'e done, Guv'nor?"]



[Illustration: (Hic!) Jacet.]



[Illustration: _The Mayor of Middle Wallop (who is interested in the

decoration of new theatre)._--"Oo's that gentleman you're painting?"

_Artist._--"That is William Shakespeare."

_The M. of M. W._--"'As 'e ever done anything for Middle Wallop?"

_Artist._--"No, Sir, not that I'm aware of."

_The M. of M. W._--"Then paint 'im out and paint Me in."]



[Illustration: _Bailiff (who has been well treated and settled

with)._--"Well, good-bye, sir. See you again 'soon,' sir, I 'ope!"]



[Illustration: "Nuts for the Monkeys, Sir?"]



[Illustration: _American Million Heiress._--"And have you _really_ got a

coronet?"

_Lord Hardup._--"Well--ah--yes--at least--I mean--I've got the ticket."]



[Illustration: _Visitor to Lunatic Asylum._--"Is that Clock right?"

_The Dotty One._--"O' course it ain't, or it wouldn't be _here_."]



[Illustration: _Visitor to Lunatic Asylum which is undergoing structural

improvements (to harmless lunatic who is extremely busy wheeling barrow

upside down)._--"You ought to turn that barrow the other way up!"

_Harmless Lunatic (knowingly)._--"I did yesterday, _but_ they put Bricks

in it."]



[Illustration: Dottyville.

_Inmate to new arrival._--"What, _you_ mad _too_? _So_ glad."]



[Illustration:

_Condoling Friend (to recently Bereaved Widower)._--"It must be

awfully hard to lose one's Wife."

_The Bereaved._--"Yes,----it's almost _impossible_."]



[Illustration: _Wife (to Lion Tamer who has been out late)._--"You

Coward!"]



[Illustration: _Sol Jacobs (to his friend the proprietor of the boat who

has fallen overboard, and has come to the surface for the second

time)._--"I thay, Ikey, if yer don't come up again may I keep the Boat?"]



[Illustration: "What 'ave you got in dem boddles, Ikey?"

"Dem ain't boddles, dem's fire extinguishers."

"Garn, you ain't afraid of a bit of a fire."

"No, but I gets ten per cent off the Insurance Company for having dem

about."

"What's in 'em."

"I don't know what _was_ in 'em but there's _kerosene_ in 'em now!"]



[Illustration: "I must congratulate you, Mothes, dot vos a grandt fire of

yours last Tuesday."

"Vat yer mean?--Not _last_ Tuesday, _next_ Tuesday."]



[Illustration: _Moses (generously)._--"'Ave a Thigar, Ikey?"

_Ikey (suspiciously)._--"Vat's the matter vith it?"]



[Illustration: "Good Morning, Miss Voss."

"My name is not Voss. It never Voss and never vill be."]



[Illustration: _Solomon (who has had a terriffic bang on the nose from

his friend)._--"Do it again. Do it again. I can thee Diamonts!!!"]



[Illustration: "Father, I've thwallered a thoverign, and how am I to make

the books balance? You thee, I'm a pound in and a pound out."]



[Illustration: In a Garrison Town.

_First Loafer to Second Ditto (as our friends from the Circus pass

by)._--"Officers!"]



[Illustration: The Game of "Buttons."

_Winner (to the ruined one)._--"Well, dash it all, old man, if you _will_

go in for this sort of thing you must _expect_ to lose a Button or two."]



[Illustration: _Uncle John._--"Well, Bobby, how did you manage to get out

so soon?"

_Bobby._--"Leg before, Uncle."]



[Illustration: "You never know your Luck."

"Hi! come back, yer Silly! Do yer want to spile yer Luck?"]



[Illustration: "My Father 'e once caught a Fish as big--as our Street!"

"Well, then, it must 'ave bin a _Whale_."

"Garn, 'e were baitin' wi' _Whales_!"]



[Illustration: "Why don't we have Open-Air Cafs? So pleasant to take

one's refreshment in the open air."--(_Vide newspapers._)]



[Illustration: "Do you want a errand boy?"

"No."

"Yus you do, yours 'as just been runned over."]



[Illustration: "Don't 'e make a gawd of 'is Stummick? Why, that's the

_second_ a'porth I've seed 'im 'ave this mornin'!"]



[Illustration: "You Naughty Boy, you'll fall over!"]



[Illustration:----!----!----!]



[Illustration: "'Taint so long ago, Willium, since you an' me was the

dandies of Deal!"]



[Illustration: _Scene--Scarboro'. Time--Sunday morning. Very muddy.

Inhabitant._--"Be thoo a strong mon?"

_Amateur weight-lifter (rather proud that his fame has spread so

far)._--"Well, yes, my friend. I do a little in that way."

_Inhabitant._--"I'll lay thee a fiver, I'll put thee on thy back in

t' muck."]



[Illustration: _Lodging-House Keeper (to Professional Lady)._--"Which my

'usband, Miss, is one of the Virgins at the Cathedral!"]



[Illustration: "I heard as how you've been fighting with Bob Smith?"

"Yus. He said my Sister was cross-eyed."

"But you haven't got a Sister?"

"I know that. It was the Principle o' the thing that upset Me."]



[Illustration: _Stout Party._--"And can't I get to X--- without

walking?"

_Porter._--"Well, there's the Coal Train, Mum."

_Stout Party._--"How Much will it cost Me?"

_Porter._--"Seven Shillings a Ton!"]



[Illustration: "Have you got change for a Threepenny-piece, Adolphus?

I want to give the Porter a gratuity."]







[End of _Pictures by Phil May_ by Phil May]
